Saiful Johan

2006-04-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

go to deathofabeautyqueen.blogspot.com........ that's my new blog!!!! go there!!! this is the past!!!!

bikini heaven!!!!!!

2006-03-19T21:00:00.000-08:00

yeah..... wassuupp dudes??? hope your oright doing anitin u may be doing now........ so today has been a really great day i must say....... went to Sentosa with my two bros, my sis n my bro-in-law............ acerli went there to celebrate his bdae n my bro's bdae..... HAPPY BERTHDAY THE BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!! so woke up like 10 in the morning.... we started to go there at about 10 plus.... mcm lambat je to me........ but okay..... but today was a bit cloudy!!!!!! how to sun tan..........HAHHAHAHAH.......... so reach there bout i don't know what time lah..... went to pahlawan beach..... okay i dunoe how to spell it but hope it's right........

so after parking the car.... we took our stuff and find an empty table to put our food and our stuffs basically..... we found one wic was a great spot......... so reach there,the ferst thing we had to do was......... EAT THE CHOCALTE TRUFFLE CAKE FROM THE ROYALS......... coz it was a hot day n the choc was melting.. so ate that ferst......... the cake was sensational........ the chocalate was so rich in flavour......muah! magnafic..... den had pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my sis n bro made....... all the food we brought was home made....... pizza is good!!!!!!! den had some mee hoon goreng and chicken!!!!!!! end it all with apples!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank u to my sis for cooking all of it!!!!!!!!! so after that we sat for about an hour beforte swimming.........

so after an hour we all splash into the waters....... but before i forget.......... let me say this....... IT WAS BIKINI HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! beautiful bods........... the gerls were hot....... muah.... magnafic! ok i don't want to sound sick now............ so spent a lo0t of time swimming......... pictures being taken.. at 5 we started packing............ den head to the car before going to have a look at siloso beach................ den we saw this like a sort of go kart. me n my bros decided to go for it............ it was fast..... we bang each other......... i passed my bro with style........ it was fun! i was second out of the three of us.... yeah we raced............ so den ate some new zealand ice cream n sat at coffee bean for awhile............. after that we head home.. was tired so i slept in the car......... hahhahahha..........

yeah i gotta say that i'm a bit surprise....... for the ferst time i like being 18.... apart from the movies and smoking and other shit........ my bros treat me now like an adult..........letting me do what i wanna do.......... nvr to nag. they wud just say..... okay........... n the whole day with them..... they were like my frenz........ yes the way i tok to them is still respectful but it felt like we were just normal frenz hanging out looking at beautiful bods......... they are my bros ..... they've been there for me so much.......... we never leave anyone behind!!!!!!! \m/ \m/

can't you live without the attention...

2006-03-11T22:34:00.000-08:00

i gotta say what i gotta say.... and i swear i'll never go away...... but now..... i will........ people have their own opinions...... they are entitled to their own opinions...... i had time to think about stuff while i was waiting for my next flight....... some things just ran thru my mind like a high speed train..... and i just felt the need to write it.... coincidetally i had only my hp to use as paper...... i tot you wud just read for the sake of reading.... that msg wasn't an indication that i wanted you back....... it was just to make you realise that i was stilll alive.......... it was like a week since i last msged u.... i just wanted to let u know i'm still breathing......... the msg was emoish..... i know..... it's me!!!!!!! you know how emoish i can get!!!!! now fine okay........ u wanted this so bad... u want peace at last........ u got what you deserve......... u will get what u want.... hope you're just happy as you're pretending........ and you know what the worst thing was....... the way that u said it...... ferstly you sound like a totally diff person..... you weren't the person who i spent hours talking to before........ maybe people do change as they grew older....... but some people don't!!!!!!!!!! some people would stick to what they are now!!!!!!!! you are so different now.... and it's only 2 months........ suit urself..... if you happen to read this good..... if you aren't..... too bad...... remeber this 2 words....... you said that to me so many times......... TOO BAD............. and for whateva trouble i put you thru i'm sorry aite.......i believe in being a gentleman.... i apologise for any wrongdoings....... and when i'm writing this post i can only remember one malay-indon song wic it's chorus starts by this sentence....."maafkan aku menduakan cintamu"...... so there you go princess.........

yah so lately just been working........ work work n work to get money to buy things for poly!!!!!! my wish list isn't over.........wahahhahhah.......... it ends when i say it ends........ so actually i'm feeling a bit down... with a sickness i mean... i think flu ah........ man i hate it.. den this morning when i sneezed blood came out too........ i was like....shit......... but i guess it's because of the weather..... it's been really hot these days......... so yah i think i have nothing much to say........ just in total shock and just counting what i have.... coz i dun want to lose anything animore...... maybe a couple of things........ hahhahahah..... peace dudes......

i feel like i am born again...

2006-03-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

I FEEL LIKE I AM BORN AGAIN..... I FEEL A LOT BETTER THAT WHAT I USED TO FEEL.......

so today i went out with faris,ariff and saiful...... went to orchard coz i wanna shop.... n let me tell you one dirty little secret........i have never shop with only me and my friends or using money me myself work for.... the satisfaction is much more better...... i bought A BEG!!! NEW SLIPPERS!! AND A T SHERT!!!!!!!! wakakkakakka........ but this is not the end........

things left before poly starts.....

1.new shoes.....
2.rokok......
3.more clothing........

wakakkakaka...... i'm in a very good mood now.... if u want me to belanja u rite now i wud..... but nt tmr..... only right now.......... hahhahaha...... happy people i am happy........

okay i feel much better........better than this past months......... i got my confidence back...... got my sanity back....... i feel like i'm reborn.......... a new breath of life........ so right now i'm going to be who i wanna be....... an average guy who goes around doing his business........ yeah he smokes but can be nice if u let him to..... he can help u if u ask......... if u wanna kol his style like a matrip...... he wud probably say ur wrong... he wears wat he tinks is nice..... he styles the way he tink is nice..... in heart he still is a guy who loves metal music and emocore....... who listen to hard songs!!!!! but can compromise to slower songs too....... i am who i am before.......... but no more being such a nice guy...... my temper can change at anitime..... so this is the new me....... chilling wen required......... yeah.........

Nightmare it is for me....

2006-03-03T11:50:00.000-08:00

Okay okay......let me shout this one time....... cause i can't shout out loud at home now some people are still sleeping........ here it goes..........

I'M GOING TO NGEE ANN POLYTECHNIC!!!!!!!!!!

TAKING ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALHAMDULILAH I GET TO GO TO A POLYTECHNIC!!!!!!!!!

so there it goes.......... so can't wait to meet new people..... explore somewhere other than the east side....... been schooling here, been living here for as long as i can remember........... so i'm just thankful for what i have lah....... so yeah this is just an update on my life......... peace.........

just go and be happy........ just go........ i can't stop u.......... i can't force you not to go....... u have the right to choose who u wanna be with and n be happy with.......... i'm left behind yes........ but let me be......... i'm helpless....... i'm hopeless........ i'm so down so kick me.......... kick me when i'm down!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!!!!! kick me!!!!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!!

I'm missing your bed
i never sleep
avoiding the spots where we have to speak
and this bottle of beast is taking me home

i'm cuddling close
to blankets and sheets
but your not alone
your not discreet
make sure i know who's taking you home

i'm reading your note over again
but there's not a word that i comprehend
except when you signed it
"i will love you always and forever"

well as for now i'm gonna hear the saddest songs
and sit alone and wonder
how you're making out
but as for me, i wish i was anywhere
with anyone making out

i'm missing your laugh
how did it break
and when did your eyes begin to look fake
i hope you're happy as your pretending

i'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
i am alone
in my defeat
i wish i knew you were safely at home

i'm missing your bed
i never sleep
avoiding the spots where we have to speak
and this bottle of beast is taking me home

your hair!!! it's everywhere!!!!!
screaming infedelities!!!
and taking it's wear

maybe thru this song u guyz might have an idea on how i must be feeling rite now....... coz u can't imagine how hurting i must feel now........ only through songs like this it keeps me quiet and calm.......

The nameless

2006-02-25T22:25:00.000-08:00

well well well...... here i am again..... well been working this past few days.... eventhough my eye is still red like blood...... it doesn't itch neither is it painful.... so acerli it's just red...... haiz.... but alhamdulilah lah that it's just a minor thing, thankful that it didn't harm my vision........ if not, i can't see the beautiful people around me......

welll like i said been working lately... that's all been doing after 3 days of off days and sitting at home waiting for my eye to be okay.......... work is alright,just it's very irritatin when one of ur team member is slow like hell.... i gotta say i'm not tat fast either but at least try ur best to do it fast lah...... show some semangat owang kata........ if u show me effort i won't scold u lah.... but i alwaes hve to do your work for you... den my work how??? haiz.....show effort lah gendeng!!!! kalo nk aku uat keje kao... kasi aku sikit gaji kao..... uat keje termenung2.,.... tersengih2..... apahal tah bdk ni....... okay okay i am frustrated for no reason........ a mth to go and i dun have to see her face animore!!!!!!!!! wakkakkaka........ k tats werk for ya.......

well i gotta say.........i love my family eventhough sometimes they make me do this do that..... they are the ones who has been keeping me sane and stable in life........ i guess without them, i don't know what i'll do...... hehehehe..... especially my mom!!!!! hahhahaha........

but yeah still not over everything that has happen in my life........ taking every single day slow and steady....... hoping along the way i won't crumble and fall........ and i wanna say something........ GO AND TRY TO HEAR THE SONG "THE NAMELESS" BY SLIPKNOT OKAY??!! read the lyrics too....... it means something.... well..... can't complain much about life cause this is life....... whether you want to get over things or not, you just have to live each day with some hope.... hope that some day.... things will get back on track.... things wud be gd again....... so adious amingos....... see you in another time yah........ take carez........

*i'm sticking to the name Saiful J.*

MOVING ON!!!!!

2006-02-21T21:50:00.000-08:00

hey ho guyz....... i noe i've not been updating lately.... been down this past few days..... don't want to talk to anybody or go out or have fun....anything like tat.... i wasn't in a mood for.... but now.... yeah i'm back and moving on...... a bit different in terms of character but yeah........ so actually been doing nothing much except working everyday..... why??? to earn some cash and to fill my time with something.........

so actually i'm not working today..... not going to work for 3 days!!!!! argh!!!!!!!!! i'm down with an eye infection..... had to wear shades just to cover up my eye...... it's so red.... and it's like blood type of red.... so my eye is completely red with only the center dark brown..... was already kanchiong tis morning when i realised my eye was in this condition........ haiz....... just my luck....... but what the hell........ just don't let things get the better of me....... and actually one thing i like bout my eye rite now is the concept of a "bleeding eye" and "tears of blood"...... coz when my eye drops were packing upon my eye....i thought it was blood.... but that won't happen....... so yah that's my condition now....... man its so irritating and such a spirit breaker........ but like i said what the hell..........

haiz..... what a life i have yah..... girls...... work....... friends....family....... school......... music.........
life goes on as i lose someone special.......... things can get better i guess..... dark will turn to light one day....... TO ME YOU WERE MY SOUL COMPANION!!!!!!!! just let her go god damn it people are getting irritated with u...... acerli no one has ever said that to me...just me telling myself..... so goodbye..... moving on!!!!!!!! MOVE ON!!!!!!!!

JOEY "Heartless" BARBOSA

this is how it ends

2006-02-14T20:55:00.000-08:00

speak to me
tell me what's wrong
why can't you just go and play along
when did we go wrong?
when did i realise that you were gone?
my eyes so red
when you left
my eyes so red
when you left
i wasn't prepared for it to happen to me
now it's clear for me to see

don't wait for me was what she said
don't think of me it will hurt you back
i could write a thousand words
in hundreds of letters
all of them would say the same"baby,i'd love you forever"
when i held you close
when i held your hand
when you promised me that one slow dance
when i swore you're the only gerl i need
till today that promise i still keep
i wasn't prepared for it to happen to me
now it's clear for me to see

that i still miss you
that i still love you
it's clear for me to see
with a open heart i'll bleed

it's clear for me to see
with a open heart i'll bleed
and i still miss you...........
and i still love you............
and i still miss you...........

it's clear for me to see
that i'm still in love with you

-Things don't happen for no reason

with a pen on one hand and with my eyes on a paper.... i wrote this..... it was what i felt and it's still what i feel now........ i thought i wanted to share this today where as today is the day where love takes center stage...... tears are real when it's not forced..... it flows down when u remember a time when your life seems fine......

nerve-wrecking indeed.....

2006-02-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

yesterday.....friday 10 february 2006.......... i got my o level results..... went for friday prayers ferst..... prayed that i'll get a good aggregate........ along the way to the school my mind was full of questions........ how is it gonna end up??? what will i get??? why is the bus moving slow???

when i entered the school.... my god my hands were shaking..... i was so nervous..... scared...... was over my head...... as i went to the hall.... they already announced the top students from both express and academic........ looking ard sutiana hasn't arrived yet.... i was nervous....... like hell........ den it was time..... mrs lim said.......
"plz step forward to receive your results"........ i was going to receive it later coz i'm so far back in the class register.... as faris got his results he shouted for joy.... we all went to him like he scored the winning goal.... ariff got his.... he was overjoyed.....

sutiana got hers she was jumping for joy.... i was still waiting....... hands sweating....... hands trembling with fear.......... i didnt know what to expect......... rahu got off from the sit........ ho wei wei told me to sit.... she grinned...... and then she said'" hey saiful, ok,let me shake your hand ferst because you got a B 3 for your english." i was astatic...i shouted my lungs out coz i made it...... couldn't believe it.... tears came down.... i was so happy......... i couldn't believe my hard werk paid off... all those time studying with sutiana paid off.... my frieneds who came down to skul to study together........ all those nights where me and sutiana would be on the phone and recalling what we studied........ i couldnt believe that i had achieved my goals........

this is my results:
eng three
math three
sci three
POA three
Malay five
humans five

L1R4---17
L1R5---22

alhamdulilah syukur kepada tuhan..........

to all my friends be happy aite....when there's a will there's surely a way......... it doesn't end here ..... like our frenships it doesnt end here....... our brotherhood it doesnt end here........

people who are in a relationship and taking their o levels doesnt mean they will be distracted due to their love for each other..... when it comes to study..... study ferst.... after the o levels you couples can go and have as much time together like nobody's business....... help each other.... if you don't know ask......... to all couples who will be sitting for their o levels this year..... go through it together like your going through your life together with that special someone........ stand by each other... support each other......

*Joey Barbosa*

2006-02-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

Attention all O'Level takers!!!!!!

Results are given out on the 1o of February!!!!

Which is this friday!!!!!

if your not freaked out as yet.....

i don't know why......

cause i'm here freaking out!!!

like hell!!!!!!!!

good luck to all of my friends!!!!

and other o level takers whom i know......

wish me luck!!!!!!

argh!!!! where's my ciggies??

kidding.........

Your all that i need tonight

2006-02-05T20:55:00.000-08:00

it gets harder everyday........ i'm not trying to whine..... i'm trying to pour my heart out.... i used to do it with a special person....... now things are different..... we are getting further apart but closer as a friend........ that's hard honestly.... very hard for me to swallow..........

this question goes out to you guyz......... you know if u have a gerl and literally when you close your eyes you can feel her presence, you can see her......... i used to have that..... but now when i close my eyes i see her getting further and further away..... it's like as if she's running away...... each time i try to get nearer, she gets even further.... i'm not lying....... she has been a big part of my life.... it literally feels like my heart is really ripping apart slowly and painfully........ sometimes i can't stand it....... i'm not hoping for her to read this or watever.... like i said, i need somewhere to just pour it all out....... so think of this of just a story or some sort...........

well yes i'm not over it..... don't think i will be..... yes we still talk...... cause we're still friends...... have you ever felt like don't wanna be just friends........ exactly....... to see a beautiful face with those eyes capturing your attention every single time......... it's hard...... yes indeed it is.... but i'm forcing myself not to talk about it.... yes sometimes i do still talk about it but it's just i need to get it out in the open........ for some reason my work crew knows i have a gerl...... how they know??? i don't even know.........

honestly speaking,i'm not smoking to get over her.... i need it to calm me down.... when i start to think deep in to it that i just need it to calm things down.... slow it down a notch........

to sum all of what i said...... i'm not here to whine.... i'm not here to find sympathy...... i'm just writing a chapter of my life which apprently the world gets to read it........ it's te slowest, most painful, most draggy chapter of my life........ i'm saying this straight, yes i'm hurt coz i lost her........ blame me if you want........ all i know i'm going through this.... yes my friends are there..... but the one in this is me....... i don't want other people to feel down bcoz of me.... i just want people to realise something......

not all smiles are real.... not all laughs are sincere...... even when u see me ;laughing or smiling or just plain feeling happy......... i'm actually not..... i'm a fake......... how can i let it just end...... it's for me to answer........ i hope you won't judge me after reading this.... but if you do, go ahead.... people are entitled to their own judgements and opinions........ all i know it gets lonelier every day...... it gets harder everyday......... it gets worse everyday....... things can be better.... i hope so..... but for now my feelings are real..... what i say i mean..... what i think is right...... your all that i need tonight....

~End~

What did i get myself into....

2006-02-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

hey hey babycats...... babycats??? apa sey tu...... k to whatever it is..... so yah werking todae.... got home at 6.... lepak ngan faris jap after werk........ minum teh isap rokok jap and the canteen at my werkplace........so now i'm officially in a team....the team is okay ah..... the people in it is easy to talk to so it's not hard for me..... but at ferst it was so weird...... like they were perfect strangers but now they are my werk frenz.....

so acerli nt so tired la..... it's just that i dun want to clean a transit plane..... it's bcoz not all the passengers will be alighting so that means they will be passengers looking while we werk..... the ferst time i had to clean a transit flight was the Sri lankan plane.....as i had to do my werk fast the people were like staring at me and they had their astonished face on..... like "whoa,he's doin it reali fast...." not acerli a problem but it was my ferst time so it was weird.........

but now i'm okay with my werk ah..... starting to be fun.... but wen the leader complain a bit irritated but it's just that she wants to werk faster.... but todae she didn't complain coz me n faris are getting faster..... so she's happy.... everybody's happy....... n the weird thing is every team i go wic is only two so far, the like to make jokes...... and i love tat..... makes it non'stressful.... yeah!!! and yah just now met the training crew at the canteen after werk.... was great seeing them.... lepak dok lepak........

so yah..... i guess i've blown my chance away when i started to smoke my days away...... nothing seems more worst than the sight of me without you...... so i guess i have to live with this........ what can i say....... maybe things can get even worse than this but i'm thankful it didn't......

Blown my chance away....

2006-01-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

i have officially started working...... u wanna know as what ladies and gentleman??? i am the guy who make sure the inside of the aircraft is clean so that the next batch of passengers doesn't complain that the aircraft is filty..... so yah.... it's acerli great la the work.... at times very tired coz we have to do it really fast but it's also great coz of the people ah.......

so acerli this past three days i had my training..... knowing what i have to do... hands on experience so as to know what is expected of me...... den during this training course mix around with the other trainees who are also waiting for their o level results.... so they were cool....... we keep on laughing when either one of us makes a joke.... den during break also hang out lepak.... they were great coz they werk gerek la basically........... but now all of us separate go to diff teams....... but it was great knowing them ah....... non-stop laughing non-stop disturbing other people....

yesterdae was the last day for my training.....sad ah coz we all know we're gonna separate..... wen things seem so fun den it comes to an end..... but the makcik who was our leader bought for us all tobelrone...i dunoe how to spell it!!! n it wasn't the small one...it was all a full length version.... the makcik so nice...... den seme lepak luar kapal terbang makan.... like there was a kenduri like tat..... so cool......so great......... so todae off.....tmr den hav to werk... at least tmr double pay... wakkakaka....... so todae play soccer with the guyz............ so that's all folks........

The End........

2006-01-24T22:17:00.000-08:00

So it's now or nothing...... let me just take this time and fill this post with things that are on my mind.... you know when i just got off thinking about stuff.....

you know as we grow older we will eventually learn about life...... some we can learn through what people say and there are things that we'll learn through experience...... this fragile life is a learning journey all the way....... filled with happiness....... filled with sorrow....... filled with humour........ filled with depressions...... ups and downs........ thats life right?? i guess you would agree...... obviously people would prefer ups to downs.... that's obvious....... but without the downs, we won't learn to aprreciate the things that we have that makes us happy........ we would take things for granted..... downs or shall i say unhapiness are eye openers or reality checks sometimes...... but there are also times when you just can't fit in a reason to why it has to happen to you..... have you ever felt that way??? but nevertheless its during ups that we are okay and fine.... but its downs which makes us remember that we are humans........ who has flaws....... who do mistakes........ who is weak....... fragile.........

when unhapiness kicks in, it may take some time for us to be okay.... that's normal..... some take days...... some take weeks......... some take months....... some take years........ don't be too confident.... some times it takes forever......... what we have i mean our families,our friends, our love partner..... all of them are fragile.... you'll never know when they can just not be there anymore......... when one day you were talking to them.... the next following week you lost them........ it hurts like hell to lose someone you love....... but with time you'll be okay insyallah........but i'm not saying having a relationship is bad.... it's the greatest thing ever in some cases....... think bout this guyz..... the person you least expect to make you feel alive is the one who literally made you feel alive again.... made you focus on your exams...... made you think there is happiness in this world.......... this impossible fact is possible........ i was hit by it....... someone who i least expect to fall in love with me did fell in love with me..... but like i said... we live in such a fragile world.........

i'm not here to brag...... i'm not here to whine...... i just wanna learn..... learn by making mistakes and learning froom them..... but there are times that i don't want to learn........ i do what i think is right..... if what i think is wrong then let me learn from it......... i've taken my friends for granted...... i hated myself for that....... if only i could turn back time and just do it all differently.... but all i can do now is learn from that.......

thank you for taking your time to read my blog....... hope what i say you guyz out there would agree........ if not, you can tag your views...... peace........

btw....happy birthday to all january babies whom i know...like razean faiz,sutiana,neni,wati,phie...... did i leave out anyone??? i hope not...if i did i'm really sori......

screaming infidelties!!

2006-01-22T23:40:00.000-08:00

orite today went out with the guyz in my band.... ariff and faris..... saiful couldn't follow.......... so acerli started the dae with a jam session at the old place BMC........ jam for like 1 and a half hours coz pul had to be somewhere......... yah den went off to orchard......... ariff wanted to buy his cuban cap which he lost in the past.,...... don't lose it again!!!!!! hahhahahhaha...... so yah den just walk around orchard............den at plaza singapura it started.... me n faris was so crazy... we keep on laughing....... at the smallest and stupidest things.......... i'm crazy......... so we hang out like until 9+ before heading home..........so yah..........

btw i reali like this template...... i dunoe why.... it's kinda cool to me.............. so yah........

last werds

i started it again......... i'm a mess i guess........ being strong.... something new for me.... hehe..... so adious guyz........ take care people......... hope man u wins against liverpool...... cmon u manchester united........ bring back the freaking glory to old trafford!!!!

Goodbye

2006-01-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

did i disappoint you or let you down?
should i be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
cause i saw the end before we'd begun
yes i saw you were blindedand i knew i had won
so i took what's mine my eternal right
took your soul out into the night
it may be over but it won't stop there
i am here for you if you'd only care
you touched my heart you touched my soul
you changed my life and all my goals
love is blind and that i knew when
my heart was blinded by you
i've kissed your lips and held your head
shared your dreams and shared your bed
i know you well i know your smell
i've been addicted to you

goodbye my lover
goodbye my friend
you have been the one
you have been the one for me

i am a dreamer but when i wake
you can't break my spirit it's my dream you take
and as you move on,remember me
remember us and all we used to be
i've seen you cry, i've seen you smile
i've watched you sleeping for awhile
i'd be the father of your child
i'd spent a lifetime with you
i know your fears and you know mine
we've had our doubts but now we're fine
and i love you i swear that's true
i cannot live without you

goodbye my lover
goodbye my friend
you have been the one
you have been the one for me

and i still hold your hand in mine
in mine when i'm asleep
and i will bear my soul in time
when i'm kneeling at your feet
goodbye my lover
goodbye my friend
you have been the one
you have been the one for me
i'm so hollow baby, i'm so hollow
i'm so, i'm so, i'm so hollow

2006-01-15T23:59:00.000-08:00

hey people!!!!!!!!! yeah so actually had a very long dae and i wasn't spending it at home........from 12+ to 12 midnight i was outside......... woohoo........tired sak......... so okay let me update you bout my dae yah...........

so at 1215 met faris at the usual bustop coz we had a jam session with the band....wow jam so early......... usually we jam either at 4 like that or evening time but tis time coz i had to go out with my family so the guyz are so understanding they showed up to jam early.... awwww u guyz caring sey.. gays!!!!!!! wakkakkakak........... so we were actually crazy today coz we keep on laughing and we keep on picking on each other.......... like we have known each other for years but acerli we've been together as a band for only 2 years now.... wow in 2 years we became so close.... that's good yah.......... so played our songs... our original is progressing right now.... juz have to think about the lyrics and a bit more working on it then it would be complete... need to come up with a theme for the song.... love?? break ups??? gerls??? haven't decided yet......... so all and all it was a great jam session............ comfortable playing music with these guyz.... man we are gay...... wakkakakaka.........

orite so we finished jamming at about 315 and at that time my bro called me and told me i had to go seoul garden ferst to tell them there was a change in the reservation......... my sister and abg ipar belanja the falmiy seoul garden..... perut full giler sey after that........ so the people who were there along with me were my mom, my sis and abg ipar of course,abg farid and abg Is....... so apalagi kite makan makan makan mcm mak tak akan masak lagi gitu......... wakkakakka........ but then after that the whole day tk makan ah... nk makan lagi??? nk mampos.......... so yah eat eat eat den my sis say if wanna go chinatown coz there is the chinese new year bazaar rite??? wanna see the lights and the things selling there.... not the food lah coz obviously we cannot eat it rite......... abg farid cannot follow coz he has to go back camp...NS brader.. so change jeans with him coz i was wearing short cargo pants and he was wearing jeans........ so yah.... after that went to suntec city ferst..... walk around there......... just window shopping..... looking for a present for my dear......... i still don't know......sori dear......den before heading off to chinatown we had drinks at coffeebean ferst.........pure choc as alwaes...........

then reach chinatown at like 8 or 9 i can't remember........... wakkakakakka............. den we walk here walk there.......... me n abg Is we looking for watches so we all the way kept our eyes wide open for that.......... i think this year the bazaar bigger ah.....wat do u tink???? it doesn't matter wat u tink.... wakkakkak..........then found this apek selling watches....ma bro bought it for me ah.... thank u so much bro!!!!!!!!!!!! den walk2 again den my sis bought for me t shert.....thank u kakak!!!!!!!!!!!!!! den my dear called she was so tired sey....i mean the way she sound........ so poor thing........ asked her to sleep ferst coz i'll be home late anyway.......awwww miss her....... yah so said goodnight to her and off she went to lalalla land.... i hope she dreams bout me.???!!! wakkakakka......... so den head on home at about 1130.........seme dah penat.......... so yah that was my day yah........

thank u to my abg ipar n my sis for the t shert and the treat at seoul garden..........
thank u to abg rid for the jeans.........
thank u to abg Is for the watch and ring........
thank u for my mom for giving birth to me and for being the best mom ever!!!!!!!!

and u noe in this family potrait it is still missing something........

its missing u my dear.........like what i said in my msg i sent to u........ u noe whats missing here......miss u when your not with me......... n yes i noe u said u miss me too....... u noe i alwaes do n vice versa..........hehehehhe....... can't wait till the next time i see u bebey.......

*This story is just beginning*
*This story will end without you*

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha!!!!!!

2006-01-09T21:34:00.000-08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA!!!!!!!!!!!

TO ALL MUSLIMS!!!!!!!!

AND TODAY IS 9 JANUARY!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!

i love u my dear and love the new nick name u gave me..... hehehheheh

berthday bash!!!

2006-01-06T23:59:00.000-08:00

yeah my birthday is over but it was the best ever.......with people's wishes....a gerl's presence and her sweetness to do something for me.........orite so as usual let me do the honours and fill you in on wat happen.....

yesterday,05/01/2006 is the day i will remeber for as long as i live........ orite so actually decided to celebrate my birthday and our 7 month anniversary together coz we can't meet on our actual anniversary day....... so met her at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and went on to plaza singapura..... went there took the NEL way....wow singapore is linked thorugh the freaking MRT..... this is singapore so appreciate it......... so yah went to plaza singapura to watch KING KONG!!!!!!!! hahhah the movie was cool especially the part where King Kong fought with three T-Rex....... man it was so cool!!!!!!! so actually before watching it went to eat at macdonald coz we miss the mcspicy so much...... hahhahahhaha...... den after finish eating she gave me my present from her... it was an adidas pack... there is a deoderant spray,perfume and wristband with a watch..... and i was so speechless....... it was the best present i have ever received!!!!!! she's so cool....... and so sweet!!!!!!!! and there was a card which came a long with it........ and wat she wrote just made my heart stop and made me want to hug her......... i love her so much!!!!!!!!! thank u my dear!!!!!!!!! so much!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

so after watching the movie went to walk around at orchard for awhile........met shaker while walking there....he was werking......... den wen at the mrt coz we were heading home met fairuz.......so then reached sengkang and walked to her house from compass point..........wasn't far at all............ den she told me to go up to her house and i was like why........ den she went in and went out with a cake in hand...... i was like awwww!!!!!!!! you are the best!!!!!!! after that went home....... den reach home ate the cake with my mom and abg Is...... tat was my day....... the best ever day!!!!!!!

so today had a jam session with the guyz since the promnite........ so it was enjoyable with lots of laughs and just playing music and making one...... what u need in life is your family, your gerl, your band and your friends........ a saying from a band member and friend saiful F....take care ful and get well soon......... so right now i can't reallly complain much coz what i have and need is in my hands....
-my family
-My sweet gerl
-my band
-my friends......

thank you to all the people who wished me yah.... u guyz rock very hard!!!!!! \m/ \m/

and that was what my honey got me!!!!!!!!

and specially to my one and only ms nana.......thank you dear for the wonderful day......... thank you for the pesent....... thank you for the cake......... thank you for the card......... THANK YOU....... and i love you bebey!!!!!!! hehehehe.....

Joey outt!!! \m/ \m/

Bored at home.....

2006-01-03T02:32:00.000-08:00

hey wassuupp........ actually see my blog and i felt the urge to write something.... actually been waiting for that job to call....call come on call!!!!!!!! yah so lately been sitting in my room and writing songs..... but you know writing songs are fun....seriously........ but there is it's down side.... for me, i feel that sometimes what i write comes back to haunt me....n it sometimes makes me not want to write anymore...... so yah but i'm still am....enjoy it..........

18??? is it a big deal??? i guess so...i don't know..... i have better things to think of other than the privileges of being 18.........

2 more days till 18.....hey maybe it's going to be a good thing being 18........

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T03:38:00.000-08:00

Yeah!!! Happy New Year people!!!! may all acquintance be forgot lalalalla... okay i dunnoe the song but i only know the start.....hahahhahahhaha............

so yah 2006 is here baby......new year's resolution??? i dun have any... never had before so i guess this years no different........... but i have to say 2005 is the best year and also the most entertaining........ the band........o levels....getting a gerl(tats the best by the way)......... band wise more band time than the past year i have to say.... more talking bout wat we're doing with the band... so tat has to be a great thing for 2005 for me.....

then there is the freaking o levels....argh!!!! stressful times indeed.... the most stressful period of my life........seriously.....so now its all over...........jobless........

and the best part about 2005....u guyz know it....getting a gerl tat i love so much..... wakkakakak....... seriously after countless rejections......... i got a gerl tat i alwaes wanted... she has the character of wat i've been looking for.......... i have found the gerl tat i've dream bout having....she made me feel things i have never felt before as in feelings i mean..........so thats the bonus bout 2005.........

so yah............hapi 2005....here comes 2006....... hope it would be a great year for me, my gerl, my band n my friends.......... happy new year guyz.......

What i've been doing??

2005-12-24T06:47:00.000-08:00

so yah haven benn really updating properly so now how bout i update bout the past todays which includes todae yah......oh yah it's christmas eve......

so yesterdae,friday went out with sutiana to catch a movie.....we watch NARNIA the lion witch and wardrobe.....it turned out to be not that bad....really.......it was great.....love the fight scene it was really cool........moral of the story????? siblings should stick together and believe each other...... should they really???? i guess so eventhough we sometimes get into a fued with them.........

so yah tat was yesterday which was a great day....as she's with me there.......yah......

so today didn't actually did much.......met sutiana in the morning then wan semod.....then at 5 went to faris's house with ariff....went there to compose our band song........so now i can safely say we have started writing............we took bout 3 hours to finally decide what we want in it....... so yah.....great writing songs as it's my hobby after all so its was great writing eventhough saiful was on holiday...we surely update him when he gets back.......so basically that was what i did these past two days................

baby......i love you gerl.....thanks for the tshirt....its absolutely nice....i like it........ hehehhe....muackz!!!

i noe who i want and it's you!!

2005-12-17T07:10:00.000-08:00

Do you miss me
do you think about me
do i make you cry everytime you think of me
i love you
i still think about you
you still make me cry everytime i think of you

i still think about the photogrpahs we took last year
sitting with our friends at their place
no time to think of fear

i still worry when you're not around
do i just wait for you to say
i just wanna be with you
i just need you anyway

do you miss me
do you think about me
do i make you cry everytime you think of me
i love you
i still think about you
you still make me cry everytime i think of you
(i just wanna be with you)

werds by plainsunset

No matter what happens to the world.....no matter what happens to anyone...... i still love only one gerl.....i will always love sutiana......no one else...i just wanna be with her.....and i do need her anyway.........wishing upon a star that we would last forever......praying so that we'll be together as long as we live.....

2005-12-14T04:45:00.000-08:00

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go.Built me up and broke me down somehow.Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to knowI'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too lateTo save us now

And I would wait for you, if you would wait for me

And I will wait for you, if you would wait for me

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the coreI blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mindregenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermoreYou built me up and you broke me down this time.

Yellowcard - Cigarette

had a blast!!!

2005-12-10T10:08:00.000-08:00

yes it was a blast....my school's prom was a blast...........good food.....a lot of dancing........ couples doing romantic stuff............. and my plan werked out perfectly.... so let me tell you all about my school prom.....

so yah went out at about 4 and head on to sutiana's house to fetch her.......there had a chat with her mom......actually i was early so sat there for quite sometime before heading to the country club....... at about 545 we head on to the country club........took a cab there........ so when we reach there met everyone....took a lot of pictures....and i mean a lot.....when i reach there, i felt nervous......... about my band's performance and my solo performance.........i was lucky enough to convince sutiana that i only got one stalk of rose for our anniversary....... she didn't realise that something big was going to happen towards the end of the night..........

so after we registered.......we head on to the buffet at ate.......it was so hard to find a table as there was so many people........ lucky we found one.......... after eating we went to sit at the sofas near the stage....luckily we sat down very near to the stage...... it was perfect............ slowly two bands performed and had dance sessions all nite........ the teachers could not say aniting as we were all having the time of our lives............as time ticked away our and my performance was getting nearer n nearer.........

when it was our turn i realised my voice was a bit sore coz i shouted a lot........but i was okay........ then my band performed....it was okay.............then the moment of truth........a month of planning was coming down to this......mr poh announced...."so here's a special solo performance by Saiful and for your info, this is his won composition"....

i was so nervous after he said that....... my hands were shaking like hell......then i pick up the guitar n sat down....... before i started playing,i explain to the people what was the significance of me doing all of that....quote from myself"exactly todae,it's been have a year that we've been together".... after saying somethings....i started playing......... i didnt realise that people wud acerli clap along to the song...... sutiana was already covering her face...her face was turned red........

when i finished,i put down the guitar.....took my paper beg n went up to her........ she was covering her face and was smiling so widely........ as there was little space,i literally pushed the sofa back....i kneeled down(see the picture above)..... whispered to her and gave her a bouquet of flowers....and a little present.......we hugged and that was that.......people all around took pictures........ my plan werked out perfectly........... after that a slow dance session and one last dance session and the amazing night ended.........what a night.......she didn't suspect a thing n that was the best.......

would like to thank my friends for being tere...shafiq for helping me...my band........ everybody..........especially sutiana....without you,nothing like this would ever happen.... i told you you were a princess......... u got what you deserve....happy 6th month anniversary my dear.........

I'm back!! i think and i hope?!

2005-12-02T08:04:00.000-08:00

hey hey.....one werd....busy......okay i noe i just finished my o levels like i dunnoe when but yet i'm so busy and it's still early.......... orite orite so let me explain myself.........

my comp's motherboard was spoiled so my comp is dead and now i got a new one........ so that explains my dissapearence....... and yah tomorrow or i mean today my bro is going for NS....... gonna miss him...really.... eventhough we always have something to argue about, i am still gonna miss him........ now it's me who has to take care of everything as my other brothers are werking.... haiz....responsibilties.......

so yah gonna send him.....and next week i will be having my class chalet and school prom in the same week....and yah my band??? jamming???? oh god so many things to do and there is a shortage of time..........but i have to maintain my composure....... k so yah tats wat my plans are for this coming days.....excited nervous stress.........hahhahah stress??? as if........

my blog seems to be an abondoned site??? hahahha......... so yah.....wait before i go PEOPLE OF 5A3!!!!!! LISTEN UP!!!!!!! OUR CLASS CHALET IS THIS COMING MONDAY 5TH OF DECEMBER.......U7 AND U8..........DON'T U GUYZ FORGET...ITS AT EAST COAST BTW SO IF U GUYZ DUNNOE HOW TO GO THERE ASK AROUND YAH.......IF THERES ANYTHING JUST CONTACT ME....OR DARYL OR SUTIANA OR SHAFIQ YAH.........THANK YOU PEEPZ!!! SEE YOU DEN!!!!

And finally to my honey......its gonna be a hectic week for you but dun wori i'm gonna be there....if not beside you i'm just a fone call away....no matter what time it is....i'll always be there for you!!!!!!! LOVING YOU SO MUCH!!!!! YEAH!!!!!! WOW HOW TIME FLIES *WINK* *WINK*......WAKAKKAKA

take care people....if u wanna contact u noe how....byez!!!!!!

JOEY

my comp is dead!!!

2005-11-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

Hey everybody!!! i'm sori that i havent been updating coz my comp is dead...literally...... so bored that i cant update my pics all that........ but what to do......

okay2 bcoz faris wants me to say this....i have finish my o levels a long time ago...... and people who are going to the Prom Night.......get ready to have great time..... its gonna be a great musikal time........

i would just like to say to my honey that i love you....i'm gonna stand by you........ i have never let you down and i'm not going to start now..... i don't care if it gets harder, i would still stand by you...i love you so much......stay with me and and you'll see that you are special to me..... how much harder it gets i'd still be here.....

lastly thx faris for allowing me to play his computer...wakakkakaka

o level's just at the corner

2005-11-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

The o level is getting nearer damn it.......... i don't know if i'm ready.... people keep saying to me good luck and have some confidence in yourself and just do it............ i'm convincing myself that a want is not a need........ i'm gonna go in that hall sit do all my best and insyallah i can make it....... it's so close no matter how far.... o level is important cause nothing else matters......... okay la stop bout the o's........

actually rite now i have some spare time before one of my makcik is coming for hari raya......... hari raya this is is at one point is more special but in the same time not that fun.... one thing is that i must have the o levels in mind when i'm enjoying myself outside ....... it's more special coz this year i have someone special in my arms..........

so i would like to take this oppurtunity actually to say a SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my muslims friends and to all muslims basically......... MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN YAH..... i noe i've done bad to a lot of people so hope you guyz could forgive my wrongdoing whether it was intentionally or not........ n to my soccer buddies i'm very sorry aite if i haven been spending time with you guyz....... i'll try to make it up to you guyz........ you know how i'm talking bout........ sapa yang makan chilli dier lah yang rasa pedas..........maaf zahir dan batin to my friends also.......

new pics

2005-10-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

yah people o i have new pics from my outing with my friends..... so check it out aite if you want to... SELAMAT BERPUASA N TO THOSE TAKING THEIR O'S.........GD LUCK N RAYA SETAKAT SATU HARI JGN LUPA NK BLAJA AK!!!!!

grad day pics

2005-10-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Hey people.....If u wanna see pictures from my GRADUATION DAY....... Please go to 'links' and the go to photo album....orite....enjoy!!!!!

after a long time

2005-10-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah so here i am again.... a new layout...... hope you guys like it coz i do........ it just suits me......
so yah got all my prelim papers back last week........ let me share with you guyz my results... don't laugh please.....

English - C5
MATH - C6
SCIENCE - B4
POA - A2
MOTHER TONGUE - B4
COMB HUMANS - B4

L1R4 - 21
L1R5 - 25

yah so that was my result.... couldn't believe my math is that bad........ i thought i was doing fine... but after the N levels my math seem to be dropping constantly........... oh my god.... i hope i do better..... i want to do better.........

okay thats all for my prelim results.........

now yesterday which was a sunday....... i acerli went to wild wild wet........ but i didn't went with my family....... apparently Sutiana's bro-in-law had a family day and had free tix and so she called me up and told me to come down........ i agreed..... when i stepped into the place, i just realised that i was going to meet her parents and basically almost the whole of her family........ and so i planned to give a good first impression....... SUCCESS!!!!!!!! her mother said i was okay....... her sister said i was okay........ i am accepted!!!!! yessssaaa!!!!! the weird thing was that i could connect with her sisters and also her bro-in-law quite well....... i reali connected with one of her sis reali well coz she have seen me a couple of times before..... lucky for me she is nice....... ohhh and yah firdaus and siti also came down.......... had a fantastic day!!!!!!! thanx to my one only Sutiana and her family........

orite so today.......... quite tired today coz slept late watching soccer last night.... liverpool lost man!!!!!!! so yah went back with Sutiana...of course!

A ring can mean many things........ but when i wear this ring with your name engraved on it, it means more than a ring....... it's a symbol of our love for each other......... i'll cherish this ring like i cherish you........ thank you for coming back into my arms........... thank you for making my life whole again......... thank you for the ring..........btw ppl we're back!!!

Who'd thought we could look so good together??!!
i just wanna be with you......
wish you would miss me the way i miss you........
do you know i need to hear from you to find the strength to carry on........
do you miss me?? do you think about me???
do i make you cry everytime you think of me.....
i love you i still think about....
you still make me cry everytime i think of you.......

-Plainsunset

Life's hard

2005-09-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

i just got two words to say to all of you......PRELIMS SUCKS!!!!! seriously........ i think i am not gonna do well at all....... almost every paper i left the hall with a long face or with a "shit sia" face........ even my POA sucks........ the subject i'm aiming to lower down my aggregate....... sucks man reali......... well at last i can get some rest and sleep........ tomorrow there's no skul for me but to those who have gd luck yah like faris pul and ariff....... you three fuckers try ur best aite........ hahhaha encouragement from a fellow band member.......

so yah maybe before the o level i will be half dead coz for some reason i'm stress......... really!!!!!!! haiz what to do rite??? this is life..........

relationship wise....... i'm still hoping for the best........ waiting everyday.......

a short update from joey!!!!

During the process

2005-09-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

yeah today is a friday.......16 Sept.....and it still hurts.........i'm still not fully okay......... i'm still not over it........children,today we are gonna learn a word call 'still'.........an example of the uses of this word......i am still in love with you........this is an example........

like i was saying it still hurts........ and the worse thing is that it does not hurt a little........ it hurts a lot........... and i mean a lot........... the scar of my heart doesn't seem to be healing......... eventhough i may look okay on the outside.........to be honest i'm not inside.......... it hurts so much that it has left me to listen to malay oldskul emoish love songs......... and let me tell you it's not bad at all.... eventhough i know i shouldn't but i can't help it........... this is the only place i can just say what i wanna say......... shouting doesn't work anymore......... crying won't help......... mourning will make it worse........ i'm trying believe me i'm trying to let this be okay with me but it is just so damn hard.......... and the pain is so real......... you can as if feel that your heart is really bleeding........

i know i shouldn't but i do.......
you know what.......
i still love you........
your still in my mind always.........

i'm losng grip of myself........ i can't sleep with this on my mind......... i don't see it in other gerls like what i see in you.........i feel something when i'm looking at you but i just don't feel it when i look at other gerls.........your the gerl that i alwaes wanted....... the gerl i've been looking for....... i know i shouldn't say all this......... i shouldn't feel this way.......... but i don't want TO LIE TO MYSELF!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO PUSH THIS FEELING ANYMORE COZ THE FACT STILL REMAINS.........I STILL FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!

jOEY TRyING TO COPE WITHOUT YOU........IT'S HARD..... WHAT I SAID ALL THIS WHILE TO YOU I MEAN IT WHOLE-HEARTEDLY........

The Aftermath

2005-09-12T18:02:00.000-07:00

This is my first posting eversince the miraculous holiday that i had..........further seems forever...... don't ask me what it means coz i don't even know.......

Well after a hectic week........i am finally okay........ ready again to face the torments and pains...... to face what i faced before i met her........ back to my old self....... the self that not many people like to see.......hahahhah am i rite fariss??? yeah but i'll try to tone down all of my shenanigans...... haiz...... what to do rite???
you can mourn and cry all you want.........but will it do you any good??? NO!!!!! I'M TRYING VERY HARD TO MOVE FROM THE MEMORY OF THE sEPT HOILDAES...... but i am not yet over her.... i'm not expecting to be over her soon........it isn't easy as it said to be........... furthermore she seats beside me in class but i don't care........ i don't care if i have to see her every weekday....... i don't care if it breaks my heart looking at her........ the one thing that i got from this all is SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND BE MATURE ABOUT IT AND ACCEPT IT........and tha's what i'm doing........

why??? why??? why am i like this??? it's because this is what i call moving on........ everytime i think about her........i slap myself with the promise that i made.......[The promise that i will try my best to uphold]........i don't want to make things worse........ i don't want to force anything upon her........i am gonna let things happen by itself.........i'm living each day just at it is meant to be lived............

so this is what i call tact????? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know...i just don't know....

2005-09-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

it's been a rough weekend for me..... it's the longest and most unforgettable weekend ever... i promise........firstly i wanna apologise to sutiana for letting the whole world know about our break up thru this blog of mine......

indeed rough times for the both of us....... i tried my best to convince you........ telling all your friends to convince you ........ but in the end you still stick with what you think is best....... talked to my friends but it's still up to me......Mdm Mariam also helped somehow with this but even she can't reverse this heartache of mine.... only one gerl can........so hear me out........like we said it's like two separate contracts that each signed on diff papers not agreeing to one.......

i cried the whole dae when you said you don't love me anymore....... and today you told me that the reason is actually you don't want to hurt me further....... you don't want to hurt me by having me in a r'ship where i love u so much but you don't.......you don't want me to fall in the future eventhough i said to you rite now i hav fallen so low that it doesn't get any lower than this.........and you think it's best that we separate now than doing it later....... i have never accepted this break up and never will......but whats left for me to do??? i feel like i'm dead when you left......

what's left for me to do??? i tried my best it wasn't enough........you still wanted to leave....... how can i accept it........you were the best thing that has ever happen to me.........i don't know what else to say.......... somethings are to good to be true....... but i am hoping someday somehow you'll come back to me my dear....... never once did i ever hate you........ never once did i ever bad-mouth you........maybe all good things do come to an end.......... i need to pick myself up now more than ever........

quote a phrase by saiful fazrie "It's a shame but i support your choice bro."
quote from Mdm mariam "you know when it's good when you see one"
quote from Matchbook Romance "I feel like i lost everything when you're gone"

lastly i would like to thank all the people that has been there for me...... ALL OF MY FRIENDS YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO YOU ARE............to also Mdm Mariam & Cikgu Filza....Special thanks to Saiful Fazrie, Shafiq, Firdaus.........you people are the best............THANK YOU.........hanya tuhan boleh balas budi baik korang seme..........

Finally,would like to thank SUTIANA for all the hugs & kisses......... for all the motivation... for making me to a better guy......thank you for making me realise who i was actually....... thank you for giving me hope........ thank you for coming into my life...... thank you for the lovebites & dissapoinments(one of my poems btw)..... thank you for being my inspiration...... giving me inspiration for writing the best song i ever wrote in my entire life... a song called i rather talk to you........thank you so much..... hanya tuhan boleh balas budi baik u........... so i guess this is it..........

..........BYE........SAIFUL JOHAN SUKRI...........

hey hey

2005-09-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

yah i know i am boring..... i am an idiotic guy...... i guess this is the only place i can go..... running away from my life....... lately so many shouts here and there....arguments here and there...... water flowing down from my eyes.........i guess i'm not okay....... and i don't wanna talk...... i rather talk to you....i rather talk to her.......what if i can't anymore??? who would i talk to then........ why am i saiful johan???? sometimes i just hate him......... hate him bcoz of who he is........he's fat.......ugly........ lame........nt funny.......stupid........a hopeless romantic..........too nice....... why am i like this??? people all around happy and i'm here putting on a fake smile......... what if i can't hold her anymore??? who am i going to hold????????? if she's gone i bet my life would be out of control........sumpah aku tgh tk betul...........this is life.....full of torment and sorrow.........how can i seize the day???? i need you dear!!!!! someone shoot me.....kill me....rip me apart.......throw away my heart.......

masa-masa gini lah kamu harus ingat kepada tuhan untuk dapat ketenteraman minda dan diri..... i am so contradicting rite now......let me be.....

fuck the hiatus thing.........

On Hiatus

2005-08-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

people who do read my blog........ATTENTION PLZ!!!!!!!

I
AM
ON
HIATUS
DUE
TO
EXAMS
THANK
YOU
DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSLEVES
YOURS TRULY SAIFUL JOE!

tiring but it's all worth with it

2005-08-08T23:53:00.000-07:00

i know i've not been updating but i'm busy and damn tired every single day!!!!!

yeah....actually just got home......went out with sutiana just now....... went to watch a movie called "Charlie and the chocalate factory".........it wasn't bad.......it wasn't bad at all........ in fact it was great........ funny..........johnny depp is a fucking good actor man......... he knows what his roles are.........

so in th morning had the national day celebration in skul until 10. .....after that went home....... met sutiana at 230 at the bustop at her house........ we are both crazy and sick of the usual places to watch a movie that we went to Bishan....... yes people Bishan....... but it was idiotic coz all were sold out.......... den we hurried to orchard coz bishan and orchard wasnt that far apart by MRT........but idiotic again ceneileisure also pack ........... and we made a last ditch effort to MARINA SQUARE the place where we had our ferst date..... remembered 2 mths ago........ yeah........ so end up watchiong there......... so before watching the movie ate and had some fresh air...... and yah watched the movie.........was so tiring but it was worth it coz i spent it with someone thats worth it............so yah that was my day.......... tomorrow's national day.......

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY ARIFF YAH!!!!!!! LEMBAB SIAK NK BDAE BDK NIE............ORG DAH NAK 18 DIER ARU NAK MASUK 17....... CHEY BBUAL MANA NYE BDK TAH.....KKK STOP THIS CRAP..........

What a week

2005-07-31T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah exactly....the phrase that would best describe this week.....WHAT A WEEK....... actually not gonna say anything just the people who knows it will know and those who don't basically doesn't know a thing....The quiet things that some people know........

Basically it was a week of things that got out of hand.....teachers shouting........

Laziness shining bright over us...........something beautiful almost came to an end.........

Fights.......arguments.......tests........friendships at test.........unwillingness to have another band.......

going home late......falls........postponed tests......knowing the theme for t'chers day.........

Some ended easily........some easily solved.........but there are things that need to be solve with patience,talking things out,understanding one another,crying over,never wanting to repeat it again in the future(Insyallah!)

I cried because i couldn't believe that it was going to happen........I never expected....It never came across my mind.......My life went to a complete hault......i couldn't move......the only thing thing on my mind was convincing you...and convincing only you.......the only person worth convincing........i wouldn't do those things if i didn't love you......a precious diamond meant to be cherish and love......thats what you are.......this pink section only needs to be read by only one person.....the important gerl in my life........the gerl that i love...... DON'T EVER SAY YOUR LEAVING WHEN YOU KNOW I WON'T LET YOU GO........

Falling tuesday

2005-07-26T20:28:00.000-07:00

FALLING TUESDAY.......nice band name ain't it??? but it's not it's what i would describe todae...... TUESDAY 26-07-05........

early morning and it was raining heavily...... very cooling.....like wanna continue sleeping but skool is there alwaes.......early morning started with math........okay la nt bad but dunnoe la....... den POA lai was not around so do your on work people!!!! yesterdae just saw her and she was okay..... hmmmmmm........ den math again........ wat the hell man.......... after recess had malay class at the usual comp lab........ it's already cooling outside and i still turned the air-con to the lowest temp which was 16 degrees celcius......... hahhahah padan muka satu2 kesejukan!!!!!!! yah den had humanities wic was so borin!!!!!! and for physics head to the library coz mariam was nt around...... teachers not around kecoh ah..........

after school had the worst remedial ever....english remedial.........practice oral over n over n over.... with the same teacher over and over!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hate it!!!!!!!!!! den after hell was PE........ lucky we got to play soccer....everybody keep falling down(falling tuesday get what i mean???!!!)......haiz....i didn't by the way but i nearly a lot of times......apparently jack vasell's are slippery............my shoes were so dirrty...................i said to sutiana quite style coz it was dirty like tat dah dier tk suka........ ler......... wakakkakaka......we like to argue....... wakkakakak........... so yah after tat went home and tat all.....

is there such thing as being too nice??? i would say yes...i didn't mean to...i want you to be special.....to be treated the way that you should be treated......like a princess....my princess......i didn't mean to make you cry........reali........ i just said what i felt... didn't tot u would cry hearing me out...but it wasn't because your sad i know..... we know why...we both know....only us..........LISTEN DEAR,YOUR WORTH MY EVERY EFFORT....... YOUR WORTH MY EVERY BREATH...........I LOVE YOU.......I WOULD DIE FOR YOU........ DON'T EVER SAY THINGS LIKE TAT....... BUT WHEN U SAY THOSE THINGS,REST ASURE I'LL BE THERE TO TALK TO YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL SPECIAL COZ YOU ARE TO ME..........

what if????

2005-07-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

What if i never could ever see you again??

What if i could never kiss you again??

What if i could never hold your hand again??

What if i could never speak to you anymore??

What if i die,will you cry??

What if i lie,will you forgive me??

What if i say in this world there are many questions but the amount of answers are not equivalent???

I'm thinking about many things........i am......

Fantastic Four gerek

2005-07-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

FANTASTIC FOUR GEREK........FANTASTIC FOUR GEREK LAH..........OI DENGAR KE TAK??? FANTASTIC FOUR GEREK LAH!!!!!!!!!

-------translation------

FANTASTIC FOUR IS A GREAT MOVIE.....FANTASTIC FOUR IS A GREAT MOVIE....... DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID??? okay tats it lah tired repeating it........

it's a sunday and am at home with my family.....not all of them but some of them.....rough start but everything's okay......

so yah yesterday which was a saturdae went to watch FANTASTIC FOUR with sutiana at TM lah lazy to go far and fuck then 1.60 movie tingy.........didn't thought of going outt coz she cancelled at ferst then skali she say kuar ah tgk wyg......... okay lor....miss her lor so must go lor coz miss her lor........the day before went to lepak at CB paya lebar.......long time since i've been there...with the usual set of people....sadly sutiana didnt follow..... had a good time with them.... rite guyz???? so everthings okay in my life except for one ting...... am i ready for the o levels?? wait make it earlier...... am i ready for the prelims????? wait make it earlier am i ready for all the small tests???? AM I READY???? hmmmmmmm..........

love ya to pieces watever it means

2005-07-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

hello people...actually kind of bored and i have the feeling to post something but i don't know what....so i would just type some things aite.........

You know what's better than having a girl by your side????

What's better is knowing she misses you

Knowing she loves you

knowing your the one she wants

knowing she's always there

knowing your life has been better with her around

knowing she has made an impact in your life

knowing she's the only one you need and the only one you love the most

and i'm here saying i love sutiana

I LOVE YOU DEAR SO MUCH

sick on a special day...

2005-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

SICK ON A SPECIAL DAY........exactly..........been sick since friday acerli, but never thought it would be very serious that i became weak.......

so yesterdae,saturdae,went to the doctor.. had to cancel all my plans...... the doc said i was suffering from a throat infection...........fuck man....sick on my special dae......saturdae was my one mth anniversary.... thought of goin outt with her but then wat to do rite.....was so weak... laid on my bed the whole dae...... listening to songs but cud not turn up the volume that i alwaes do coz i will get dizzy..... what was i sayin?? oh yah i couldn't even walk straight sometimes..... hahhahah weird..... but still call her up..... miss her tats why....tanx for caring about me.....

but at least i planned somethin on fride...... after the science remedial sent her home..... and when we in the bus i gave her something..... a poem.......... A ROSE..... and also for some reason a bracelette that my mother bought from egypt and she told me to give it to whoever i want....... so yah in the bus i gave them all.....

and dear you are worth my every effort.......don't ever say your not.......... love you so much....... u need to do more if ever you want me to let you go........ so stay with me until the red light will change........promise me......

orite people tats all..adious........do take care of yourselves!!! and yah i'm not goin to school tomorrow!!!!!!! yeah but still goin for the oral......... wahhahhaha!!!!!!!!!

best of you

2005-07-04T22:20:00.000-07:00

yeah!!!! had a great todae..... with my one and only gerl......... yah....... so gonna talk a bit about it.....coz actually i am tired to update u noe.......

okay lah dis is the brief ting lah...i can't think straight.... wahhahahhaha...... yah so ferst meet up at Pasr ris interchange like always........ then went to bugis.......walk around there for awhile....been awhile since i went there....... many new things....some old things too....wow..... after that thought wanna catch a movie but the movie we wanted to see tak da so wateva lah..... went to Banquet at Raffles Hospital to eat... den decided to go Plaza Singapura walk2 for awhile........ after that walk to Cineileisure.... Fantastic Four is coming outt!!!!!!! yah after that both was tired so plan to go to pasir ris beach to watch the sunset... a perfect ending to a perfect day out......... the sunset was superb!!! magnificient!!!! amazing!!!!! spectacular!!!! hahha....after that sent her home of course..... so yah tats all for my monday.... monday blues not around to bring me down todae..... wahahhahaha!!!!!!!! adious people.. and for my frenz......2morrow gonna be hell!!!!!!!!!! chiowz amingos!!!!!!

ohhhh and yah i noe my blog the layout is like senget or wateva.... i will deal with later kay coz i am damn lazy!!! sorry for the inconvinience!!!!!

my feelings for you are getting stronger

2005-06-30T17:55:00.000-07:00

orite..... so here i am with a new skin.........was just sick with the old one so might as well change.......... well acerli dunnoe what to write....... school has been draggy this ferst few day on the new term......... alwaes tired after skul....... but i am trying my best to learn in class....try to shut up and learn and get it into my head....... one thing that's great about school is that i can see my gerl 5 times a week and see my friends as well...... and i am now sitting with her during math and english.... it's been great actually......... yah............. and yah today during malay class kind of hectic coz they were talking about my behaviour yesterday during the talent-time....... my way of supporting sutiana.. hey she's my gerl n i wanted to support. maybe should have made it look better but what the hell it's been done........ n yah she won ferst in her duet with Siti.. gd werk guyz.........

i guess thats all...2morrow there's a physics test........need to study today..... adious peepz!!! take good care of yourselves!!!!!!!!!

i love you

2005-06-26T22:10:00.000-07:00

okay bcoz the guyz wanted me to update about this day so much.... krg ni.... chey mcm tk ikhlas eh........... kkk so lets start orite....

okay we(Her Perfect Flaw) entered the SCHOOL OF ROCK COMPETITION......... yeah.. we met at BMC ferst that was only me saifulFaz n faris..... den after that went to Simei MRT to meet Ariff...... yah that was like 230......... then made our way to BRaddell.......k i dunnoe how to spell it who knows just keep it to yourself.......wakakkaka....... den reached there about 330....... n bcoz saifulFaz haven ate....went to macdonald....... filet-o-fish is so nice....... wakakka rite saifulFaz??? den after eating and doing all our nonsense things.....went to SPH building........it wasnt far at all from the MRT place........ so yah registered...... n guess what people.... we got a free gift!!!!!!! yahoo!!!!!!!!! it was a torch light.....small travel-like torch light...... now i would take the oppurtunity to thank the organizers for giving us that small gift........ yah den after waiting and waiting........ we at last entered the auditorium........ and yah....... the drum set was so nice......
the thing that was not was we could only perform for 3 mins but it felt so much shorter.......
cmon man we came from one end of the island to perform and we could only play for 3mins.... nice one...... but after that it turned out okay...... they said we were not bad.... yah....for once we didnt felt dissappointed at all......... after that sat under the void deck near the place...after that made our way to BMC again to return their distortion........ den when we were walking there ariff offered to blanja an hour of jamming....... listen ariff treat us to one hour.....he paid like half of the price....the remaining sum the other 3 including me paid for it lah...... so yah.... and we were all tired after that.........

orite guyz i have updated!!!!!! 2morrow skul i hate it....so lazy to go!!!!!!!!! but i have to....... adious see u people around.........

not properly planned but had a great dae!!!!!!

2005-06-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

yeah i did have a great day.... with my one and only gerl........ yeah......ferst went to the mosque for my usual friday prayers...... after that met the guyz at sport hall.......seme lom uat homewerk kepe... wakakakakkaka........yeah den met sutiana at pasir ris interchange......at about 230........

yeah ferst went to jurong point......so far rite??? but both of us dunnoe where to go...... den walk around there until we were damn bored........ before deciding where to go next, went to eat at KFC............. yeah........ den sat ate talk and decided..... in the end decided to go to esplanade and i wanted to show her the terrace garden where faiz sholud me and the guyz the other dae.........

reached there.........so many couples... there were like 10 or more couples...i'm not kidding........ but who cares........yah there watch the sunset.. the view was amazing....... den there was a show going on.... and at ferst they played Maroon 5's she will be loved..... as the song was performed me n ina was just looking at each other n appreciating each other....... den they played 3 doors down's HERE WITHOUT YOU and i was like.....who plan this.... it was so perfect........ i was smiling n laughing coz it was so great....coincidental........ and yah i love her so much........

so yah after that start to head home..... sent her home den i went home myself......... so that was my day.......... love it.........so much.........didnt want to let u go........but i had to........love you more each day........oritez people.......adious..........sunday dok sunday!!!!!!!!!!

i try my best to be there as far as i can

2005-06-22T21:50:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah and one more yeah.........just got home....okay not just.....went jamming just now...... keep playng a decade over and over and i mean over and over........but thats the song i find very very hard to get tired of....n yah the quiet things that no one ever knows was nice just now....won't you say guyz from HPF??? and yah played giving up again...... i am slowly getting the hang of that song..... the hard thing about it is that you gotta know what comes next........ thats all...... and yah be consistent...... that to me is important....i don't know bout you guyz........ and yah after that went home... nothing else to do........ ohhh yah on my way home terserempak ngan rahu rahman adib and another guy who i have never seen before.......at afghan(not the country you stupid idiots)......

your down with a sickness and i try my best to be there as far as i can....... i am trying my best my dear.........

what if i never hold you or kiss your lips again???!!!

2005-06-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

okay i reali dunnoe what to write at this place i call my blog.......really........ haven been doing much.... just watching soccer matches till really late...... picking my gerl up....... jam once in awhile n i mean once in awhile......wakkakakakka kan arep kan....... n yah i haven even started my holiday homework.......shit.... i need to....i really really need to......so yah....this is the shortest posting yet....

i just love you...thats the reason behind it all.....and so in the inspirational words by M.SHADOWS... what if i never hold you or kiss your lips again..i never want to leave you and the memories for us to see...i beg don't leave me.......

you are my inspiration

2005-06-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

orite sori guyz.... have not been updating coz my comp has benn down.... my bro was rebooting this whole thing....i dunnoe why but yah he did....... so i guess i am not gonna write bout batam coz i am so lazy to write about it... sowie.....

so yah it was fridae yesterdae....as usual went for friday prayers.... and after that went to meet the guyz at outside the sport hall area.....yah...so after that went to play pool.... so many people waiting to get a table........patient we were....... so played until like 4....... then went to eat at BK....... k i am being so brief coz i am lazy to update tis thing.........so after that lepak kat syamir and khalis's blok coz was waiting for sutiana.....den after meeting her den sent her home....walk2 for awhile with her....k tat was my dae....yah..........

take care guyz.........adious amingos......

*Love You More Each Passing Day*

it's official...i'm happy......

2005-06-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

yeah....so todae is actually friday....10/06/05........but gonna update about yesterday first.........

so yesterday was thursday.....9/06/05...........the date i will remember........because yah i have a girl now....yesterday was our first date and we made it official...actually it was quite official before that but this time it we were together to say it......for the people who still don't know....sutiana's my gerl........so yah yesterdae went to The "new" marina square....aru abiz renovate.... memeningkan....coz the place was like heeren but heeren tk memeningkan sey...........yah so walk walk and yah walk around je....was actually nervous before it but after seeing her i wasnt..... after that walk to esplanade then went to the merlion tere....sat....talk2....... we were too caught up with one another we forgot to take pictures.....aahhhhhhhhhhhhh........... yah....so actually at that point my plan was going perfect and it was more than what i imagined it would be.............. then bila nak gi the last place it started raining....and i was like....ohhh no plz dont..........but alhamdulilah the rain stopped and we went to the sort of park beside esplanade....n yah sat talk...and made it sure that it was confiirm.... i was so damn happy n so damn in love........ yah so forgot what time we started heading home............ emotions that went thru on that day is so hard to describe......yah so sent her home... yah so that was the best day of my life.......... tank u my love for making me happy and for coming to my life this way..........to those who were there for me thru thick and thin thank u....those who were nt tere for me or didnt support me....u guyz can fuck urself....

so yah my mom went to egypt.....so yah after reaching home after my fridae prayers help my bro masak..... daging kurma...sedap tau.... my mom ajar before she left for egypt.....n yah my bro dah kene gi keje aku la yg kena sapu rumah kemas rumah n now after all the cleaning after doing all the stuff i must do..... i can now relax..... so this is it..............

*Everything i do,I do it for you*

rather waste my time with you

2005-06-07T16:10:00.000-07:00

okay okay okay i noe i been a fucker for nt updating this blog of mine...but hey....i've been busy...and my computer had some problems....so i apologise....as if you all care....

so actually i don't know what to say.......just want to say i've never been this happy...and yah..... i'll update on thursday or friday okay....cause i know what to update then....so adious you humans......take care insan-insan yang mulia........

theres someone outt there who feels the same way

2005-06-04T19:25:00.000-07:00

I..................AM.................HAPPY.............YEAH..........YEAH.........YEAH..............

Orite orite.....went outt with my mom.....she nak jalan-jalan so i also teman her lah...... went to Boon Lay....don't ask me why.... but actually it was kind of cool cause you don't see those faces you always see......everybody were like not from the eastside cause duhh they weren't....... hahah yah that was the cool thing about it.......no familiar faces..........no forgotten faces.........yah so we walked around and ate at banquet.......therefore i can infer that i had a great time with my mom.....yah my inference is wrong you but i don't care..........

we cried together on the phone.......you said the words i've been longing to here.........you said you were ready......... i proved to you i was different.........love you so much.......i am just so happy...... yeah!!! been smiling more.......my emo section is fading........

i feel happy

2005-06-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah!!!!!!! been happy lately......n i mean really....... but i won't say why..... a gerl?? money??? i won't tell..............

gonna say something bout yesterdae for awhile......yesterdae after skool had a band meeting..... faced our demons.... faced the problems...... most importantly faced each other...... sort out things we thought wud never be sorted out......thanks zul for organising it!!!!!!!! and i feel we are starting a new..........leaving all the shit behind....but whatever the thing is.....studies come ferst........yup so tat was yesterdae's highlight ah!!!!!! wakakkakakakkaka i am happy........

today was tiring like!!! more of making you fall asleep.......n 2molo is the last dae for the study camp..........i am sick with it......... tomolo only english.........what the hell........ and i am lazy to tok more so babyez amingous.......

your making me happy..........hope it won't be long.........want u to want me..........

would you be depress

2005-05-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

STAR WARS EPISODE 3 REVENGE OF THE SITH IS THE BEST EVER!!!!! THIS ONLY GOES OUT TO ALL STAR WARS FANATICS..... ALL YOU DON'T LIKE THE MOVIE CAN JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!! N BTW I HATE ANAKIN......GO SEE THE MOVIE AND U NOE WHY....HAHAHHAH

orite todae skul ended at10am....thats the earliest ever!!!!!! due to the parent teacher conference..played soccer before going home.... my leg still hurts.....yah so went home.....took a shower den off i was to the mosque.........for my usual friday prayers....... after that went to buy the tickets for STAR WARS(!!!!!)........YAH... it was the greatest movie ever........ it almost took up 3 hrs.... i wished it never ended......if ur a STAR WARS fanatic u will feel the movie...seriously........ went towatch it with faris syamir shafiq zul faiz saifulfaz zain n khalis......yah....... i dunnoe bout them but i reali reali reali had a blast........go watch it!!!!!!!! after that went to challenger coz shafiq wanted to check outt something... after that went to a coffee shop to have a drink before going home...... nonsense to the max sey at the coffee shop.... the people who were there knew how nonsense it was....... hahhahahha....... yah so tats basically my dae......... want to watch STAR WARS again!!!!!!!!!! hahahha adious amingous!!!!!!!!

I will wait for you forever

2005-05-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

IT'S OFFICIAL IT'S CONFIRM.........

I failed my english and my humans....and my mom is mad about it.... yah after skul todae had the parent teacher meeting.......fuck.......ho wei wei said all negative things about me........i alwaes talk....... never pay attention........my mom believed every word she said....i don't blame her coz obviously a teacher knows........den she said la teres tat much my mom and the teachers can do.... everything is on me now....i already know tat sey....... i already felt bad just now dun have to rub it on my face.........den the most cleverest thing..... she gave me my report book but shafiq's result......... tepukan gemuruh tuk dia........

dah la i am so damn not in the mood.....N YAH I THREW MY DRUMSTICKS NOW EVERYONE KNOWS HOW HOT TEMPERED I CAN BE....BUT THAT WAS MY FERST N IT WAS ONLY ONCE FUCKERS........

it seems like forever

2005-05-22T22:22:00.000-07:00

whoa....been uite a long day ..... hhahah .... weddings ..... dinner ...... happy ..... sad........ haiz........

orite.....so at 130 meet the people to go to faiz's bro's wedding.......tats long to say....reach there....faiz wasn't around....but his dad told us to eat ferst....so we ate.....den waited for faiz.....den wait wait wait den pengantin pon datang........it was very cool......an enormous grp of bikers led the whole thing....faiz's bro's frenz i suppose.......it was noisy but damn cool!!!! den talk talk talk....took pictures.....den lepak at a pondok near the wedding......relek tere.....happy tings.....nonsense things....and sad things.....all happen while sitting there.....wow.......den 545 went home.......me faris dinee rahu n rahman together took 8.........den dah alik....switch on the comp...den my mom ask to go bedok corner coz she not cooking todae n she wants to hav dinner....so i went with her la....no one else at home.......bedok corner is damn nice now.......gotta go there with my frenz sumtime eat IKAN PARI!!!!!!! hahaha....its clean.....nice.....wow........so many things....many varieties of food to choose from.......got sweet looking gerls too..... hahhahaha........yah tats was my day.....manchester united lost yesterdae.....fuck lah!!!!! hahha nevermind........ so yah tats all amingos.....adious!!!!!!

the more i'm with you the more it smacks me on the face that i can't have you.......your a reminder of what i can't have.... what i will never have........ cry alone i've gone away......

*Heartaches last longer than stomach-aches*

AS YOUR VOICE FADES

2005-05-20T17:00:00.000-07:00

Whoa been a long time since i've updated this shit....shit..... hahhahaha.....acerli been reali lazy to update and reali dun feel like sayin bout shitz.........hahahhahah

okay so got my midyear papers back....fuck failed two subjects........ go n guess wat are the two n tell me the answer coz i am not gonna say it.....fucking shitz...... how to pass those subjects........ haiz.... no use mourning bout it....whats done is done and i cant change it.... lets look forward!!!!!

okai......lately been listening a lot to a band called EMERY.....kind of emocore.....correct me if i'm wrong guyz........ thanks to ariff i am hooked to them..... hahhahahah see i dont noe what to write.....

why am i writing in paragraphs???? hahhahahah what am i tokin bout....k just now play pool with syamir shafiq faris zain n ashrul....... hahhaha......k my drumsticks broke again....gotta buy a temporary one for the thing on tuesday after skul.......... hhahahhaha

k la adious......no emo ting....no emo shitz.....coz all is inside of me....it will never come outt........ byez take carez!!!!!!!!!

ALL I NEED TO KNOW........

2005-05-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

yeah its a saturdae.....just know went to peninsula with sha n syamir....sha ask me to teman him coz he nak beli baju.....met them kat small mc kul 130...... sha beli 4 baju siak...apa lah sha....tapi seme style2......mak kao cnfrm bising kan......hahahha...den see guitars went to all the ,usic shops...... just love going in there and just look at the instruments..... den go makan at KFC again ... hahhahah.... i am addicted to mountain dew.......hahhahahha.......den after that gi tampines mall...... jalan2 jap....den went i was outside for men n woman they gave out the newpaper FOR FREE!!!!!!!! i was like what da hell is today??? but orang dah kasi amik je lah kan....gerek jgk sey went outt with them....just relax....but i was like didnt want to go home..... i want to stay outt and just stay there..... fuck you!!

okay my exams are ending...thank god....i cant stand it....its getting sick.... so sick of being tired and so tired of being sick!!! but yah it was quite horrendous i got to say ah....okay i have nothing more to say....

i'll keep this in.....no one will know....not a single soul.....feel i no longer have a heart..... thanks to anyone.... i don't know who to thank anymore.....yah fucks shits ahces pains.......all that combine..... you'll get the worst day of your life.....the worst moment.......

*HOPING IS NEVER ENDING*
*CARING IS GETTING PAINFUL*
*THINKING IS GETTING HURTFUL*

all that i can is bleed.....bleed.......bleed......

2005-05-09T15:40:00.000-07:00

*Bleeding Poet*

hey guyz!!! acerli was planning to update this fucking thing after my exams but when i was studying for my social studies paper....i found a poem which i wrote but i don't remember writing it..or why i worte it... so i just wanna put up here...... i noe u can do a better job than this but i'm trying.......

NOw you know what it means
Now you know the motive of the song
As i feel on me this world leans
With your smile, nothing would go wrong

As i stand here on this lonely hill
Pray for you i will
With just your face it makes my day
I would never want this feeling to go away

From time to time you make me wonder
Why didn't i met you earlier
If one day you'll be here by my side
I will never let you go no matter what happens tonight

I wrote this as inspiration kicks in
You are my inspiration,my life within
With a solemn note i bid you goodbye
Wonder if you'll think of me tonight

*All that i regret is falling for you*

never thot it would be tis way!!

2005-05-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

okai from the shits that i see at my tagboard..... update update update..... just to be honest with all of you i am not gonna update frequently now..... apart from the reasons that are obvious like the exams appraoching........ i find my life now to be more personal..... every single thing of my life everything that has happen i wanna keep to myself..... i fucking hate all those things that happened...... i don't know what i am thinking of..... maybe i'm not okay after all.......

thanks for acting like you cared......
i'll try my best to forget you.....
try my best to let you go......
i know it's weird for us now.... hope we can surpass the wierdness(is this even a word?)
best friends means???!!!!

*Those Pictures Were Meant For Us*

i cant forget u sweetie!

2005-04-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

okay today is really not my day..... let me tell all u fuckers why..... the following happened to me before 8 am todae.....

got a bad news from my math teacher about my test.
tmolo have to stay back after flag raising for a stupid fuckin thing!
did the wrong year for my physics tys hmwrk
didnt bring my completed graph

what the fuck....that i keep saying stupid shits and it was still early morning! k den lets stop talking bout this stupid shit!!!!

okai then skul okay okay la....but at the end of the day our last period which ws english....jumiah didnt entered the class.......it was heaven!!!!! den afta skul went to eat ferst.....den off home.... skali on the way home saiful msg suro tron jumpa dier and areeeff.......so okay la...lepak jap.... tok tok tok bout band stuff den faris pon came...... discuss this and that den went home at 6.....tats all la my dae....fuckin irritated rite now la......

you still fucking linger in my head..... get out!!!! fuck off.....i hope bleeding hearts shed no tears!!

Hahahhahah

2005-04-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

wow i am so damn tired.....dunnoe why....maybe it's becaues i had a very long dae...hmmmmm.... yah its tuesdae i did have a long dae.....fucking la!!!!!!

so skul was okay......highlights onli some ah...one is during english..... got skit....den daryl's group ah...k the story ended with old ladies tat can see a handsome gay guy but cannot see a policeman...seriously...policeman alwaes wear uniform wat!!!! den i say tat den skali jumiah was lyk laughing lyk hell n i was like was tat so damn funny??? den another highlight during chemistry ah....had practical in the lab..... den finish our experiments i wanted to do something with my shoe wic i forgot wat den amli who was sitting beside me called me den i banged my head against the bench wen i was lifting my head....den amli laughed like 10 whole fuckin minutes after that den ask me if i was okay... hahhaha fucking sak.... okay den had english remedial.... was so damn boring!!!!!!!!!! really!!!!! den PE....NAFA 5 ITEMS!!!! passed only situps shuttle run n sit n reach!!!!! fucking shit!!!! okay den reached home at 6.....now so tired cant do homewerk! bye adious fuckers!!!!

ur such a stereotype! u dun go for guyz lyk us! u dun go for guys wit hearts! u dunnoe how much i cried.........i am tired of hurting myself with u.... but i cant help it...each time i wanna forget u u are always there!!!! f u c k!!!

GREAT GIG!!!!

2005-04-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

GREAT! MAGNIFICENT! yeah went to the gig at ELIAS CC yesterdae which was 23rd of April.... went with a bunch of my friends........u want to noe who??? i went with Areeeff Saiful Faris Zul Faiz Zulaiha Amirah n Hawa...... nvr been to a gig with so many friends...usually only about two to four people only.....wat a great gig.....like usual....so many punks........yeah was okay with tat..... then reach there about 330 but haven start.....it was suppose to start at 3 but delayed till 4.....mix of punk rawk, ska n hardcore bands....... started of With Kate of Kale...... punkrawk!!!!!!! den got one power metal band.....Ars Nova!!! they payed a song by Cradle Of Filth n a song by Arch Enemy!!! WE WILL RISE!!!! den thought did not want to mosh....but hmmm......faiz was so damn eager to bodysurf....... he did it two times.....nice one faiz!!!!!! yeah!!!!! sad thing faris had to go early.....tk gerek ah mosh tk da dier......so den DEAR ARSON(hardcore-disco band)!!! took the stage.....den apa lagi....me areeeff faiz and zul moshed!!!!!!!! yeah best ever!!!! but of coz got hurt a little.....got punched den got one guy wanna body surf skali he landed directly on my head....lucky never blacked outt...... zul's n faiz's ferst gig n they had a blast!!! moshed until we high sey!!!! den i got a high five with dear arson's bassist who mirah was noisy about......yes mirah dier hensem!!!! den after moshing lay down at one corner.....my head was reali spinning n i was reali dizzy...... face hurt a bit after the punch.....but tats moshing man!!!! den went home with mirah zu faiz n zul...... n tat was yesterdae..... great gig!!!!! btw i started doin it again but onli a little!!! hahhaha

bye guyz take care cheers!

quotes from songs by Taking Back Sunday!!!

2005-04-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

You can't make them want you They're all just laughing
in the end it's always the same you're still gone
your Kissable and quiet
Remind me not to ever think of you again
Don't hold your breath because you'll only make things worse!
I never meant it to be like this
I can't say I blame you but I wish that I could I'm sick of writing every song about you
Don't call my name out your window, I'm leaving I'm sick of writing every song about you
Well this is the last night that you'll be keepin' secrets from me don't worry sweetie cause I already know
Regardless you know that I'll still wait for your call
this is the last time i still wait for your call
i swear, you have no idea The jealousy that made me thinking
Take the time to talk about it Think a lot and live without it
the only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back
Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you

and i do'nt think you know what u'll be missing

2005-04-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Just think of this and me as just a few of many things
to lie around to clutter up your shelves

haiz....todae is tuesdae.....okai....physics was orite....den malay reali enjoy it.......can study during malay lesson....wasted no malay lesson tomoro....den math......haiz......okay la can pay attention...den english.....it is not that bad reali....tomoro hav to present our skit yah....hahhahah.... cnfrm merepek.....but yet still fun........den chem.....shit i just pass my test....15/30.....fuck....haiz.......den humans....ms wong was absent....hahhahaha.....so relek chill abiz2.........den afta skul......apa lagi rembat rahu ah......two times........salah silap tolong maaf kan rahu.....kao dah rembat aku bila b'dae aku skrg kao nyer turn plak lah.....jangan takot nanti kiter rembat yang lain insyallah.......den english remedial.......ms serene siew took us.....is her correct??? not sure.......but she is way nicer than jumiah.....and i realise that she actually has a sweet smile but if only she smiles more.....smile more lah.... got a nice face alreadi....... den afta that PE.....haiz 2.4 km run.....one word...FAIL!!! i knew all along lah!!!! then after that went home straight coz quite tired.......afta tat went home with shafiq and we had a chat ah....bout personal tings all that.......he is me bestest fren i have to say.....frenz since secondary 1....hope nothing will change......so yah tats all for todae.....take care you fuckers!!! hahah k sowie....take care people!!!!

I don't think that you know what you've been missing
Cuz I don't think that you know what you've been missing

Just forget me it's that simple
Just forget you it's not that simple

**THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REJECTION**

maybe i am just not good enough??!!

2005-04-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

hmmmmm todae is a sunday.......17 april.......acerli i had no plans for todae....den my mom say ah follow her go GIANT bedok coz wanna buy groceries......i was...hmmmmm okay sure..... den my mom ask my bro(abg Is) to follow also ah....my other bros seme kuar uat hal sndiri...... so went to bedok.......took 18 from the bustop near my home...... reach there went to yasalam to eat ferst ah.....but me at there see gerls gerls see me tats all..... hahahha...serious got some pretty gerls and some minahripz wic nice to look at but sakit di hati....... why isnt tere anymore relek nye gerls??? haiz....zaman zaman........ den afta eat weent to GIant la.....go round2 buy tings den finish.....lazy to elaborate.... den all around so many couples sial......bingit sak........ den my bro print pict of him and his gerl lagi sakit hati aku.......... sampai bila aku nk tgk gerl jer sak..... haiz....... nevermind its okai.........so tats my dae la.....

love the place hate the owners!!!!

2005-04-16T13:23:00.000-07:00

hey hey......okai its a saturdae.....yeah.....a break from skulz!!!! yahoo la dey!!!!! okai nothing has happen todAe so i wont update bout todae oriTe..... so lets update bout yesterdae okay????

fridae 15th april 2005......... skul as usual ah.......had chemistry practical.....practicals ah cool man but when it reaches the writing part to wRite what we observe....that's not cool....... den humans at AVA...apahal ntah.....den we all keep laughing ak........ not paying attention...... why pay attention when she keeps talking bout things we don't need to know about...... yah den went for fridAY prayers.....after that got malay remedial so had to go back skul after fridae prayers.... went back with faris khalis syamir zain shafiq zul n saiful faz.......den tot had to do werk but den filza like had a so called counselling session.....she asked whats our motive in school la n why we won't shut up in class.....but then she say she will try to make our malay lesson at the lab coz tere is where we all can do our work quitely........ hahaha serious sak!!!!! yah then after the remedial went home that at 5 meet the guyz for JAMMING SESSION!!!!!! yah this time went to aljunied bmc...... we want to go somewhere else other than our usual place ah...... there the equipment was so damn good and the mics whoa.....u can hear each others voice clearly.....but but but........the owners are fucking not nice..........u cannot play loud.........u cannot shout....... u cannot brIng drinks inside............u cannot fuck....u cannot bleed........ u cannot this and u cannot that....... if u realise they have so much fucking stupid rulez........ so lame!!!! love that place but hate the owners.........n yah we tried making our second original song yesterdae.....we had came up with what we want to sound like.....but each haven come up with the actual tunes each of us wanna play.... mayb with more jam sessions this song will be completed.... hopEfully it is going to be easy like sacrificial promise......hmmmmmm......after we jam went to have a drink at the coffee shop beside the jam place after that went home....thats all........

GERLS POSSESS ME BUT THEY'RE NEVER MINE......
GERLS POSSESS ME BUT THEY'RE NEVER MINE......

Your just a reminder of what i cant have.......

2005-04-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

okai....tuesdae 12 April 2005....... started off with physics..... shit man i got only 11 out of 20 for my MCQ test..... hate it!!! i tot i did better......haiz whats done is done....... so yah after that had mother tongue.....yeah went to the comp lab did our werk there...... yeah..... filza is soo gerek!!! the best teacher so far...... den math...... yah okay okay ah......not that draggy....draggy??? is that even a word??? nevermind...... after recess...... english!!!! ENGLISH LESSON + JUMIAH = BORING!!!!!! hahah serious ah..... den chemistry......after english confirm we all will be very sleepy!!!! so chemistry was tiring den add with humanities after that.... disaster!!! den had the english remedial which i still haven found its benefits........ then PE.....ow was not around got another teacher.... i keep shouting at her play soccer soccer soccer but in the end we played floor ball..... i dunnoe why dinee likes the game its boring....but if u play in a smaller group and with ur frenz maybe is okie....... so wasn't that tiring ah PE...... so tats my day....hahahhaha...... tomolo is da werst day of the week!!!!! 3 periods of english!!!!!! argh!!!!!

.you are just a reminder of what i can't have.reminder that i am not good enough. so how can i forget you??? hmmmmm..... i don't know... all the things we could be if only you took the time to notice me!!!!

whats wrong with me???

2005-04-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

sowie u guys....haven't been updating..... dun ask me why.... i am full of dunnoes...... i am not goin to update my life.....cause i dunnoe who i am rite now........i dont know who saiful johan is anymore......i know i am not me....but i cant change......its like i dunnoe who i am reali.....outside i may look orite but inside i am totally lost.........i dunnoe who i am....i dunnoe how to change back to the way i am.....i am soo damn stupid.....i'm a shithead........i laugh in class like i am a maniac.... i only wish i can laugh my life away....wait not my life....just sumtimes i just wanna laugh.....i make jokes that are so stupid.....why??? who likes me this way??? do i want gerls to notice me tis way......... hahahha.............i just dunnoe animore.......apologise to my frens bout myself.... i wanna be more serious........so tis is godd bye.........SOOO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!

2005-04-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry.......i'm sorry if i couldn't be there to listen to you......to make make you smile........to cheer you up......to be a friend............to help you.......to be there when no one can be there with you......to treat you well...........it's all because i am tryin.....tryin to stop loving you......stop liking you.... cause i cant do it anymore.......but its hard........your image is alwaes there......can you help me forget you cause your name is not worth mentioning anymore.........why cant u just see...... but i'm tryin.....i'm tryin........I'M TRYIN!!!!! I'M TRYING!!!!! I'M TRYING!!!!!!

2005-04-05T20:45:00.000-07:00

D E P R E S S I N G

E M O T I O N A L

DID I TOOK U FOR GRANTED OR DID YOU???

YOU JUST DUNNOE WHAT U'LL BE MISSING WITHOUT ME.......

WHY WUD SHE PUT ME THRU SUCH TORTURE....I WUD GIV MY LIFE FOR HER....SHE CAN GO TO HELL!!!!!

YOU WERE THAT ONE PERSON I WUD LOVE TO FORGET BUT BE REMEMBERED AS A FREN.......

WHY DO I STILL WANTING YOU??? AM I SO BLIND TO SEE YOU WONT EVER EVER SEE ME!!!!

HOME IS WHERE I FEEL EVERYTHING IS OLRITE TODAE....... I DoNT WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN MY FAMILY....... I DONT FEEL OLRITE....I DUN FEEL OKAY....... NEVER HAVE NEVER WILL........

torture!!!!!!!

2005-04-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

aaarrrrggghhh!!!!!!!! fuck la.....i am soo fucked up!!!!!!!!! why why why why why why????????
i cant figure it outt why........

okay okay..........soo todae was mondae.....i was soo damn tired........started off with POA so it was okay la......ms lai was orite......den humans....so damn boring.....den malay.......filza didnt come so talk talk talk!!!!!! den math...............ho wei wei is starting to be irritatin....she is havin a mood swing everybody else is suffering got scolded........den humans again.....kekek sak we all....... mepek maut maut.........den assembly bout STD......soo borin..........we learn all bout it during sec 2............so borin..........i noe bout it la.....n yah i wun have sex okay....happy!!!!!! ya allah bdk2 ni!!!!!!!!! bodoh tol ah...........den afta skul had to do a cme project at shafiq's house........ n here i wanna say thank you to shafiq for a chat we had.......brothers stay forever!!!

ITS TORTURE!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS TORTURE!!!!!!!!! ARGGGHHH............ DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT'S TORTURE EVERYDAY KNOWING THAT I CANT HAVE YOU!!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW!!!!! DON'T YOU KNOW!!!!!!! IT'S A DAMN TORTURE ON MY BEATED BROKEN HEART..........I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE IT ANYMORE........DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IT'S TORTURE EVERYDAY KNOWING THAT I CAN'T HAVE YOU!!!!!!! TORTURE!!!!!!!

haiz so long sey todae......

2005-03-31T21:18:00.000-08:00

okay okay....1 2 3 goo.......hahhahahha....k i'm lame.......orite been a bit busy so no time to play the computer..... so yah....on wednesdae which was yesterdae i recorded the only one thing with rahu dinee and amli came later.......okai acerli i'm tired so not goin to tell the whole story....so when recording one of my strings gave way.....so called saiful to borrow his guitar.....so meet him and his classmates at near 160 tere la...we recorded very fast....... a bit kanchong i must say...... went home at 10 at nite....in the bus i thought that i was thankful to be surrounded by supprtive frenz fun frenz and understanding frenz....especially my band members.....hahhahah...haiz....that afternoon got CIP at kampung senang wat la also...... old folks place ah.....their crib.....during our mini performance for them me n rahu sang only one but then we need to play another song so i played GSF.....i accidetally said the werd hell.......i look at ho wei wei i tink she heard it.... but not if they undastand...i dont think they do....hahhahaha.... so okai tat was wednesdae.....

den todae.......they made an announcement the only thing was extended.....fuck u councillors of prss!!!!!!! hmmmmm.........started with physics so it was okay........den humans was soo borin........den malay was cool went to the lab.......yah so den math..........ho wei wei ah....dunnoe what to say animore ah bout her......... den POA....ms lai is damn fun man......she teach can undastand and she teach so cool that i want to learn..........den english........haiyoo.......all good things do come to an end......then after skul got math reinforcement class.... haiyaa...... instead of me teaching dinee she teach me some den me teach her some den wen both dunnoe ho wei wei teach....haiz.....kelakar la........okai so tat was my day........wen home damn tired so i slept.......haiz...okay la....in awhile gonna study for history test 2molo........take care u guyz......

i thought u'd never leave my side.....you were just that precious lie i alwaes thought u were.......you led me on to like you and you leave me here stranded..... you led me on!!! sounds famliar to that someone??!! but i dont blame you for walking away!!! sapa yang terasa dierlah yang bersalah.... those who feel i am referring to them they are the ones who are guilty of breaking hearts!! i just write what i feel.......are you guilty of breaking hearts??? can you help me forget you cause your name is not worth mentioning anymore!!!!! love this phrase that i made!!! the best ever!!! i hate the way i feel tonite coz it makes me realise i need you!!!

need to record only one tomorrow!!!

2005-03-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

hey......rawk on people reading my blog....tanks for stopping by and giving sometime to read my blog......tanks again.......Okay....so actually i'm sick....no not sick of anyone....i am sick....been having a headache running nose and i keep coughing....my normal sickness.....the only ting i will fall sick with is this three.......but the headache is gone........juz the running nose and cough..... its getting irritating.......

orite so todae was okay......but when i heard that there was english remedial at 2 pm i was lyk wat da hell.....i hav to rush home to get my PE tshirt....haiyoo..... skul was okay.....but i feel that now we have more werk than before.....haaachiuw!!!! sori........hahhahah.....i'm very detail......k i dun want to tok bout skul much coz dunnoe what to say.........hahaha.....yah after skul rushed home....reached skul again at about 2.25....me and kwang nam came at the same time....lucky got a fren .....hahhahahayah den PE.....the most lamest session ever!!!!!we just throw the fuckin soft ball ball for half an hour.....so stupid.....and the funny part that makes it a bit not dull is tat Terry threw the ball two times out of the skul....hahahha....lucky we retrieved the ball.....or Ow will be so irritatin....hahhahha....so yah tats it for my day........adious amingos.....

its sad that your alwaes blind to the ones you love.....they will never see you....they will not know that your there with a heart that has fallen for them.....they saw you as only a person.......this is what i observed and thought about........maybe its true....maybe its not...... sometimes gerls just don't see "how much you mean to me".........love that phrase......used them a lot when i am writing something.......where is my way??? issit full of lies sorrows rechazas or just plain loneliness???? whats the worst that i could say??? so long and good night.....SO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT!!!!! can you please help me forget you cause your name is not worth mentioning anymore!!!

beating heart baby!!!

2005-03-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

okie....whoa....haven updated for quite awhile.....yah coz mix tired and no time equals no time to update blog.......okie i'm lame...i noe....orite....so i dunnoe where to start....lets just get the just of the past two days so i mean fridae n saturdae....just the highlights orite.......

k fridae public holidae so yes no skul!!! went to the mosque for fridae prayers......then went to eat coz never had breakfast.....nor lunch....so went to eat....den at 6 went jamming.....hahah.....okay2.....we started off awkwardly but okay2 la.....yah.... made a video...no lah kidding.....hahhahaha.......so yah tats fridae.....lyk i said,......no time to update my blog....

then saturdae.....at 5 went to play soccer....so before tat tried to make out the lyrics coz i was supposed to do it.....very hard sey......den played soccer...afta tat lepak kat Al-Salihin.....my bro also lepak tere with his frens...haiyoo.....yah then 915 we start to go back ah.....den went back so damn tired sey...afta doing the neccessary tings.....used the comp to watch the england match....... while watching did the lyrics again.....finished everything except for the chorus.....but tis is only the ferst draft u noe.....i haven feel the satisfaction yet.....

okay tats my update....not goin to tok bout todae coz todae i am juz chillin at home doing my homewrks...tats all.....orite people........

BY THE WAY....DO CHECK OUT THE PICS FROM MY TRIP TO KUALA LUMPUR.....GO TO "LINKS" THEN GO TO "PHOTOS"....DO CHECK IT OUT!!!

can you help me.forget you.coz your name is not.worth mentioning animore.

i am proud of myself......

2005-03-22T20:50:00.000-08:00

hhahahah.....i am proud of my-fucking -self........so fuck you if u hate me or dislike me in some way!!!!

orite.....juz gonna recap bout todae...tuesdae.....wat date??? 22 march issit??? okai......so okai luckily for physics mariam nvr check da holidae assignments coz i nvr did the section Cs.........hahhaha......i noe i noe....i shud hav.....so den mother tongue....filza has a blog!!!! hahhaha....i was laughing wen she said go to her blog.....cant believe she has a blog but its for class werk ah not her personal blog...but i tink it is??? i dunnoe......den eng....haiyoo....boring.....jumiah keep laughing to herself.....crazy freak....yes she's not coming on wednesdae n thursdae but she alreadi set some werk....but at least dun need to see her face..... den comb human....haiz....miss wong....wat da hell are you teaching us?????

yah den had PE in the afternoon.....the others did nt have coz their teachers went for course...... why mr ow didnt go also.....but at least we played soccer....so its nt bad...n bad at all..... okai tats all for todae.....gonna watch After School Rocks in 10 mins time....so take care you guyz!!!!

i am proud of myself cause now i can stop myself from trying to find someone....i've stop..... i dun need anyone rite now.....maybe its for the best hopefully nothing bad happens.....

In the beautiful werds of Adam Lazarra:Friends are everything......they are the ones who will keep you breathing,who will keep you going.....

KL good!!!

2005-03-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

hey hey people....okay tis is goin to be a long one coz be updating my trip to KL.....

okai....so went to KL on mondae morning.....took a bus ah....den in da bus dey gav us food for breakfast.....dey gav Chicken rice.....okai ah coz i was quite hungry so yah.....den reached KL at about 3+ i tink....hahha dun recall.......yah den afta alighted from the bus went to catch a taxi to go to the hotel to check in.....yah so afta checking in and all tat went out lah!!! went to Berjaya TimeSquare.....hahah.....da rollercoaster in a mall was closed....dun ask me why i also dunnoe......juz walk around didnt buy anitin........so afta tat went to eat dinner at a Hainanese Chicken RIce restaurant......it was damn good!!!! it is located along bintang walk if u wanna noe....so tat was mondae.......
den tuesdae.......ate breaKfast buffet at the hotel....its a buffet so ate alot la........den 1030 took the bus to GENTING!!!! hahhah.......yah.......i slept in da bus....dunnoe why i was so sleepy...mayb bcoz of da breakfast....den reach tere took the CABle CAR to the GENting place.....get wat i'm tryin to say???!!! hahahha.........den at genting was quite cold la....okai2 la......den me n my bro went to take two rides....the space shot wic is a bit lyk the G force.....and the corkscrew........one ride took us about an hour to lline up and then it last for onli less than 5 mins.....,went to meet up wit my sis n bro-in-law at coffee bean.....yah tere n here is not diff at all i still ordered the pure chocolate......yah so afta tat went back to KL at about 7+.......den went to CHINATOWN where i bought many tings....will not say wat dey are by the way......we walk lyk 3 rounds of tat night market........my legs were so aching!!! tat had dinner atne up but the ride will be less den 5 mins....(wat da hell!!!) yah den afta spending time at the amusement MAULANA restaurant....my family noes where tis is....hahhahah....den went back to the hotel.....tired man!!!!!! tat was tuesdae!!!!
k den wednesdae....went to KLCC!!!!!!!! took a lot of pics but didnt buy nitin coz quite expensive man the things!!!! wanted to went the tower but the tickets sold out!!!! stupid!!!!! k den went to da coffee bean at KLCC........coffee bean again!!!!!! miss spending time at tat place with my frenz!!!! yah so spend time at KLCC den went bck to the hotel to rest for awhile......den went to chinatown again!!!!! to buy tings again!!!!!haiz....and yes tired again!!!!!!! den went to hav dinner at a place....i forgot where......
okai now thursdae the last dae!!!!went to walk at bintang walk....went to LOT 10 all tat.....juz to waste time coz the bus was leaving at 530.......so late!!!! den seat at coffee bean for at lot 10....coffeebean for the third time.........den was seating den the two guys from black eyed peas walked pass.......taboo and wat apl.de.ab??? dunnoe how to spell ah......I WANTED FERGIE!!!!! FERGIE!!!! HEY MAMA!!!!! hahahha....yah so den went to Saloma tHeatre to take the bus......at 530!!!! okai i am so lazy now so i am juz goin to say i reached home at about 2 am!!!!!

okai done on the recap of my trip.,...hapi reading!!!! AND JUZ WANT TO MAKE THIS CLEAR....I AM SAIFUL JOHAN!!! NOT SAIFUL FAZRIE!!!!!! GET THAT THRU UR HEADS!!!!!!!! THIS BLOG BELONGS TO SAFUL JOHAN aka SAIJOEE!!!!

my last post before i go to Kuala Lumpur!!!

2005-03-13T21:40:00.000-08:00

wat is up people who reads my blog.......k i'll do a quick recap okai.....

yesterdae went to da gig at NAFA campus 3 with arep n zu......free dok....my bro was tere!! very tankful for my bro u noe......hahhaha.....so absically it was a great gig......all hardcore but got one ska band......poop whizzie......like da lead singer.....to me la eh....she was pretty and had a great voice....a little bit lyk gwen stefani.........hahhahah.....okai....oh yah and state of grace perform better than da last gig tat i went to.......den tot wanna go home at 11 den got tis band dear arson.....dunnoe la da name....arep say tats da name....arep keep sayin dey are good....den wen dey were about to perform ma bro came to me say dis band is very good....so i stay ah longer.....da singer is a disco freak but sings in a hardcore way....he is also like gentle lembut type but he sings in a hardcore way....got an afro u noe!!!.....tats one example of dun judge a book by its cover yah.......hahahahahaha.............yah so tats it la basically.......dear arson very gd man......haiz..... get da feeling wanna jam....hahah....arep are u listening???? but i stick to my 3 weeks ting....hahahaha........

okay 2molo i am goin to Kuala Lumpur!!!!! goin wit one my bro and ma sis and ma brother-in-law!!!!! so todae got to sleep over at ma sis house....wit my cats!!!!!! yeah......hapi tat i am goin to see those two crazy cats!!!!! hahahha...so people if u msg me wen i am at KL dun count on me to reply coz i'll be at KL.... even if i am bringin my hp but still....dun waste ur 5 cents la guyz.....so gonna miss you all.......cant spent time wit u all during tis holidae...but i am also worried a bit......got so much hmwrk....dunnoe if i can do it all....guarantee i cant....s0o okai la......gonna miss my crew!!!!! hahahhaha..........take care u all.......i noe u all wun miss me coz duh who am i rite but i will.......as if i am goin for long....hahhaha......so tis isssit la....the end!!!!!!!

going to gig!!!

2005-03-12T13:28:00.000-08:00

okay i am goin to try and make tis short......okay so i woke up at about 1030 i tink...dun remember..... i quickly msged shafiq and ask wen is he goin out....den he say 1120....man so damn early!!!! yah den i quickly meet him to giv his gift....HAPPY B'DAE SHAFIQ!!! been in da same class wit him since sec 1.....and it was never boring!!!! yeah!~!!! okay so later meetin up wit arep n zu to go to da gig....man ma bro go alreadi...ble minta tompang.....he perfoming so mite as well gi ngan dier kan...tk yah bayar transport........hahah yeah......n yah i am going to KL on mondae....hopfully tomolo i post a new post b4 i go...wait....post a new post....is tis right??? lyk kind of weird looking........okay la nvm.......adious ppl......

if i am nonsenese its bcoz u made me tis way wit all ur lies!!!!!!

2005-03-10T18:55:00.000-08:00

da holidayz are near....i am going to Kuala Lumpur for the march holidays.....yeah....at last out of singapore for awhile....at least see another country for awhile is okay la.....and away from my singapore life.....hahhahahhaha.....

so todae was quite great......mariam did not come.....relief teacher enters we had fun!!!! hahahha....the perfect equation!!!!! okay now i am lame!~!!!!! okay den humans.....hate......malay went to da library....our skul nye library mcm lame gitu.....my whole secondary life it has never change......so boring.....lucky dis yr last yr....make a new exciting library la bdh!!!!!!! okay den math....gt my report card.....got 4 red marks means fail marks la!!! quite dissappointed acerli...... den ho stupid put all my attitude needs improvement....ferst time sey a teacher tick tat box.......fuck her man!!!!! den poa.....fun as usual....den jumiah!!!!! SO DAMN BORING!!!! okay tat was my fuckin day in my fuckin skul!!!!! fuck off!!!! saturdae goin gig.....hopefully if arep doesnt cancel again!!!

all i want is to be juz frenz....but wenever i tok to u i get angry....tink bout all the shit u did to me!!!! so all i can say is....now wat is important is no longer gerls......its my crew.....my frenz.....in da werds of Taking Back Sunaday's lead singer Adam Lazarra" friends are everything! they are the only thing that can keep u going and keep u breathing"........so i am not sorry animore.....i am not sori for juz bein frenz......i am not sori tat we end up juz frens.........i am not sori for wat has happen to my life.....i am not sori for havin all my frenz ard me each dae........i will never get tired of them....and all my new frenz........ppl i get to noe juz dis yr.....i am not regrettin tat i met u all..........gerls do not own my life!!!!!!! i wun die witout them.....mayb i need sumone but someone who undastands!!!!! adious peepz....ponder my werds!!!!!!

Keep It Short n Sweet!!!!

2005-03-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

hey....haven been updating my post......its bcoz of a mix of laziness,busy,and notin to say all at the same time......hahhahahah.....sori la......and ppl keep sayin its boring......jgn tgk la kalo borin dolz!!!!! wakwakwakwakz.....jokin onli la!!!!!

okai todae is tuesdae 8th of march 2005......okai.....started da dae wit phy....okay la da lesson....den malay....okay la as usual enjoyed malay lessons.....so fun.......den math....boring!!!! afta recess english.....jumiah is such a freak now.....she is reali making english miserable to learn......haiz.....den chemistry.....i dunnoe why.....i paid da most attention to tat lesson.....den during hist didnt paid attention at all.........i hate combine humanities!!!!!!! hate the teacher and the subject!!!!!!haiz....sos tats all ah........
den in da afternoon....yes had PE.........luckily it wasnt tat tiring.....we had to run 3 rounds half of dan field........den did high jump.......I WANTED JAVELIN..........serve me rite for sayin tat its goin to be high jump.....haiz....stupid me.....okai so tats my dae....DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!

LIES!!!!! is tis werld fill with lies???? is my life filled with lies??? are the gerls i know are all lies????? questions in my head.........u wun noe wat feelings burning deep inside of me......i hoped for you to come back....but i dont now coz u are filled with lies.......n all of this is a waste of time!!!!!!!! u go for looks than heart!!!!!!

most tiring day!!!

2005-03-06T00:09:00.000-08:00

whoa what a day.........its been a long day sey for me.......k let me start from the start.....

So i woke up at 1045.........bangun je my mom suro gi kedai....beli mkn......my other bro seme ngah tidur so i hav to go....haiz.......so went at 1145......went to afgahnistan THE FAMILY RESTAURANT NOT THE COUNTRY LAH!!!!!! so den ate wen i reached home....after eating i went to meet syahiran coz he want to pass me the soccer ball and cone......den tot mite as well meet faris but den he say 130.....haiz.....den 1+ before 130 saiful kol me....he say nobody told him da time was changed....mepek la!!! lucky it was just minor and mean tat me n faris will be late for soccer.........den waited for rahu's band to jam den we jam la......he usin our favourite room....... man we played every song we noe......it was damn tiring.......but we played okay okay la.........not tat bad.......we tried playing the quiet thing that no one ever knows......okay ah....we got the basics alreadi......den after a tiring jam session.....me n faris went to play soccer with da usual crew........den afta tat lepak kat al-salihinn.....wow....wat a dae.......so tats all.....quite a bz and a tiring dae.......k la peepz....goin to fetch my bro from the airport in a little while.....wow so late alreadi....hahahha.......byez

gerls are human beings too.....so why shud i treat them so lovingly.......haiz........okay i tink rite now they hurt me too much alreadi........wat da fuck la.......they like dunnoe how much you like them and they can just say no as if its a normal ting.....notin special......so you tink ur damn beautiful and can find someone better than me.....i noe la i am not gd looking all tat.........but seriously what da fuck.........tats why todae i played da drums very hard and played soccer kick the damn motherphckin ball hard........gerls are not tat nice u noe........they can hurt you in a split second.........with what they say they can bring u down........i can sense that some gerls just react differently with me.....they just wanna be friends!!!!!!!! hey i like u.......no i just wanna be friends.......gerls have 1001 reasons......they have reasons for everytin........no offence to all females tat are reading my idiotic blog.......i have motherphuckin feelings too........in conclusion i state.........i noe i am lame....i noe i am ugly......gerls just wanna be friends with every ugly guy the meet......but wen they meet sum1 tat is lyk so hensem or cute they will like melt......... stop living in a werld of fantasies......i want a perfect guy.....who is hensem cute sensitive and fun........tere is no such a guy......EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING HAS THEIR OWN LACKS.......stop smackin the fact on my face tat i am not what u want.......so fuck off.........

what are you doing in my head??? why are you calling me when you're dead???

2005-03-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

whoa.....hello people........todae is 2march rite??? hmmmm got english oral afta skul......

okay skul was orite.....had a test on poa......the anlaysis method quite challenging man....serious sey.....did not complete it......shit man......haiz......den got da debate during english lesson......trie to convince daryl to have on fridae but his group seriuosly wanted to do todae so in da end we did todae.....obviously we lost.....OBVIUOSLY!!!!! yah den afat skul got house meeting.....waste time......just for signing up for events onli......den afta tat got english oral....afta faiz went for his turn me n rahu cannot stand but to sleep......we slpet for quite awhile den i woke up to see terry was goin out so i woke rahu up....haiz....sleepy sey....da topic boring bout maids!!! but at least i did fine......so happy wit tat.....yah so tats all ah.........tis is todae........quite boring yah.....i noe i am boring.....screw you!!!

juz now went home by taking a bus at da interchange.......everywhere i turn tere must be a couple.....to da right a couple......to da left couple.........haiyoo.......makes me sort of jealous that i hav no one special to be with and to tink about........den inside the bus another couple den rahu wit his gal....another couple.......wat da hell.........fuck man........hate couples........it is like a smack to my face sayin tat i dun hav any.....any means anyone la........haiz........i dun mean to brag but juz speaking my mind....wats havin a blog for if u dun get tings off ur chest......so fuck u all.......i noe tat i am not handsome....i am not good-looking.........i am boring!!! i am lame!!!!!! take me as i am....to everybody out tere!!! take me as i am!!!!! fuck!!!

new skin.....A7X!!!!!!!

2005-03-01T04:29:00.000-08:00

orite.......so bout todae......haiz....tired man todae..........haiz......many tings 2 do........ohhhh man.......orite.......so todae was orite......my tests???? dun want to tok bout it.....it is so dissappointing!!!!! the past eye openers reali made me tink.....haiyooo.........

so todae gt MALAY PAPER COMMON TEST......okay la......paper 1......hope i score.......i want to prove sumtin to filza.......yeah.......okay basically i forgot bout todae....i forgot wat happen......wat i noe is wen i finish my test tere were still time left....and in front of me was a blank fullscap paper and i was holding a pen......so.......did my 'continuos writing lah'........dinee beside was like 'tk da keje sak uat ni'....hahaha.....hey o like writing tis stuff.....of coz all are bullshits but at least it makes me happy....does it??? yes it does.........okay so hopfully 2molo got debate coz i cant stand tinkin bout it animore....seriously.....i hate da debate.....haiz......hate it.........at least we are fpoin to say watever we wanna say then tats it......coz i noe we will lose.....juz want to end it as fast as i could......oritez until here ppl.........

[wat i wrote afta my test]
And i regret all those times
that i've wasted all on you
and i wish and i hope
that i will never feel this way animore......

cause all this feelings are a waste
but why is your name the onli ting that i taste

basically......my heart is dead......my sense of love has died.........my smiles are becoming more fake........dun tink i wanna wait for you animore..............u cant say it.......i dun tink i can feel it.........

to hell with u and all ur frenz!!!!!!!!

2005-02-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

todae......da O level results were released!!!!!haiz.......i see tat many ppl didnt do quite well ah......haiyoo.....

yah so todae was quite borin.......k i am tired so not goin to say a lot......so basically da o level result were out........okay.......den all 4E n 5N had to stay bck n see da results.....express batch did well but da academic did not......scary sial!!!!!!!!yah den many ppl sey.....all da malay gerls alreadi graduated all come back with faces full of make up........some thick......but many beautiful man....haiyoo.........yah den afta tat went jamming......plan tat it shud be at 5 but saiful n arep came at 530........haiyoo.....todae was a great jamming session.....played decade under the influence n buried myself alive.......we played it well but we can do better........yeah so overall it was a great jam session.....tired but happy.........am so tired~~~

TO HELL WITH U AND ALL UR FRENS.....SAY U WILL GO...I DUN CARE........

Dont stay....gdnite......and walk away witout tat kiss u owe me.....

2005-02-27T08:05:00.000-08:00

Sundae!!!!! boring sey todae.....did my hmwrk da whole dae....tats all......haiyoo......and tis is goin to be the shortest post i ever wrote....i tink.....notin to write la~~~ haiz.....lazy sey to do my hmwrkz........decided not to do my poa coz no ledger paper n i am so lazy to do it....lai cnfrm wun scold one la.......she lelek.......okay.......k la tats all.....wow so short......k ppl anitin u noe my number....if u dunnoe juz leave me a note at my tagboard.....

u'll never know how i feel all this while!!!!!!~

2005-02-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

hey ho lets go!!! hey ho lets go!!! okay........2dae.........NOTING AT ALL!!!!!!

orite start da skul badly.........haiz.........u all dun need to noe coz i dun want to tok bout it......yah den started with jumiah....she told us that da debate ting was goin to be on wednesdae.........haiz....my team is bad!!!!! but at least we will give a shot.....wats life witout tryin rite.........afta tat got chem.....confidence!!!!!!! okay basically skul was quite dull okay.....the end....wakwakwakz..........so afta skul went bck get dress to go to fridae prayers......... yeah fridae!!!!!!! afta tat went to play pool.......yeah....beat zul!!!!!!!! acerli i dun consider a win.....da fued between us wun end zul!!!!!!!! same goes for rahu!!!!!!! hahahha...den went to eat a bit den went home............at 6!!!!!! oritez....tats ma dae........goin gig tmolo....mayb hopfully..........i dun even noe if i'm goin or nt....my bro performing ah at SUBSTATION........

i am not hoping animore..........u noe why?????? i dun want to bring my hopes up.........gerls lyk to do tat to me....dunnoe why.......follow da trend ah...every single one follow da trend of hurtin me......one by one.......AND I MEAN ONE BY ONE.........dun tink i will be wit anyone......da answers are obvious why.........juz look at me......tere r a lot of ans from looking at me.......haiz....... gerls??????? gerls?????? gerls????? hurt me everidae!!!!!! reject me everidae!!!!!! yeah!!!!! but at least i am okay...........gd bye love...........gdbye love!!!!!!

FALSE HOPES FOR TEENAGE HEART!!!!!

2005-02-23T21:16:00.000-08:00

SICK SICK SICK!!!!!!! eat medicine also no use....NO USE FOR EATING MEDICINE!!!!!!! haiz.....cough cough cough........i cough in class lyk i was goin to die lyk tat....wen i laugh afta tat i will cough.....sumtimes da cough hurts ah.........haiyo!!!!!! love hurts!~!!! hahah.....wat does love hav to do wit it????~

early morning........dun want to say ah....merapek of da merapeks!!!!!!!!! yah den okay okay okay............math got 35/50......boleh la tahan..........den jumiah lesson afta recess.........whoa!!! lucky it was nt quite boring coz she didnt teach.....we juz got to discuss den i argue wit daryl bout his claim......bout US all tat....yah den tats all........hahhaha.....its acerli fun debating wit daryl but i noe i will alwaes lose coz he is a better speaker than me......hahhaha.....den got da social studies common test.......haiz......guess i will fail tat.......mayb........haiz.........todae is a short dae.......so tats it basically.......respect lor!!!!

i dunnoe why........mayb its bcoz todae i suddenly realise da facts or wat.....i can tink straight bout wat i want.....its not wat i want but lyk i realise sumtings......hope.....i realise now tat its not worth hoping.....bcoz it alwaes ends wit misery.........so now i say......go any way u want.....coz i noe ur nt interested....who is basically........n i wun get mad coz i dun own u.......i cant go on pretending tat ur mine......i dun werk tat way........u noe........gerls sumtimes........i dunnoe wat to say.....hahahhaha.....its hard nowadays......so rite now i have made a decision..........i am goin to juz enjoi life tink bout my studies......bout tis gerl ting.......i'll juz see wat happens....if its gd news.....then okay.......if its bad news then its fine too u noe......i am thru hurtin maself....... i feel ma teenage heart is breaking to pieces everiday.....hahahahhah..........now i reali truly undastand GSF by mxpx.......i tot i wanted u.....i do.....but i dun want u if u dun want me in da ferst place.....its all about in da ferst place.........U NEVER LUVED ME IN DA FERST PLACE!!!!!!!!!! waste my time.......i've waited for you....but u nvr came true......do u ever noe wat i feel inside??? now it juz feels lyk a waste of time..........u made me sad.....u made me weak.......

lines from false hopes for a teenage heart(wrote tis tis aftanoon.....it was one ofda days i felt lyk writing sumting.....)

you made me happy u made me sad
don't you see that i felt so bad
by all your twisted stories and lies
when will you feel sori for me

and all i hope is just for you
is that so much to ask
but i wont hope and i wont dream
cause all it does is end with misery

and i waited for you
but you never ever did came true

it isnt worth it juz isnt!!!!

2005-02-22T21:22:00.000-08:00

FEW TINGS I WUD LYK TO SAY FERST.......TIRED!!!! AM STILL SICK SINCE YESTERDAE!!!! HAD A VERY LONG DAE!!!!!!! NEED TO STUDY FOR SS TEST 2MOLO N ITS ON DA CHAPTER I HAD DA MOST!!!!!!

okay.....2dae i was so sick....running nose continued.....lyk wanted to build a dam on ma nose so it stops dripping!!! haiz........and kept coughing also!!!! haiz.....i am even coughing rite now....but when i check my temperature it will be the normal body temperature........okay......2dae......notin much happen........malay was so damn fun nowadays......esp wit filza ard.....she fun ah......juz now teased her den she majok n disturb me john-john for da malay lesson......majok sak...hahaha but it was reali fun.....enjoi her lesson!!!! eng was da worst!!! jumiah has no manners!!! so rude.....amli passed me da class list to write our cca stuff and instead of juz sayin keep tat away.....i was readin it and suddenly she took it away and put it at rahu's desks.....cant ask politely izzit???? den afta tat no mood alreadi during her period.....2molo 3 period s wit her some more!!!! haiz............yah den had our science common test.......chemistry was horrendous....physic was quite okay...die!!!!!!! den afta tat PE.....haiyoo....stupid sey todae...........lucky ow relek......one round of running den sit up.....me sit up had to do alone coz ow asked dixon to partner zul...mayb he tink i can do easily ah....hmmmm.......others did on da ground i was alone doin on da normal sit up bench....okay jgk do alone....but borin also...hahha den shot put.....boring!!!!!! i wanted javelin!!!!!!!! k atts all ah for ma day.....hav to study ah....but wanna see after skul rawks ferst ah....will nvr ever miss it!!!!!!!

2dae.....i tot of sumtin wen i was so sick in class wen i felt juz want to sleep,i tot bout tis.......u noe sumtimes wen u reali luv sum1 it can sumtimes be such a waste.........wen u try try try try try try try try try to make tat sum1 lyk u....hahahha i laugh wen i tink bout tis.....hahahhahaha..........now i guess i hav to juz relax u noe....but sumtimes other than chilling wit ma crew,it wud be great to chill wit sum1 i like n sum1 tat is special i mean.......i dun wanna sound lyk a desperado.....i juz tink sumtimes its great to hav sum1 u noe........looking at couples all around me.... hahahhaha......many couples ard me........ no one may undastand me.........no one will nvr noe........ how did it end up tis way????? isnt tere anyone out tere for me?????

n i noe teres u but sumtimes i get da feeling u dun feel the same....do u miss me da way i miss u????? i noe tat u hav spoken da whole truth but hey....i noe i cant make u feel da way i want u to...........i noe i hav no control of you!!!!! i cant stop u from wanting sum1 else....but now da case is tat u hav told me all da percentage ting........hope u live up to tat....... hurt me once......i made tat pass.... haiz.......sumtimes i hope u wud juz say it!!!!! say it and put my pains away!!!!! make me wat u want me to be!!!!!!! read tis lines carved on my heart!!!!!!!!

i tot i shud be saying i'm sori but i guess u have to too!!!

2005-02-21T17:32:00.000-08:00

wahpiang!!!!! TIRED......SICK........HEADACHE..........HAVEN STUDY FOR MY SCIENCE TESTS......WRITING TODAES POST.......AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

okay.....so todae wasnt all tat bad.....juz tat i had a running nose for da whole dae as well as a stomache....fuck man!!!! cant stand my nose acerli......juz now doin da math test sempat ask chung heng for tissue!!!!! yah da highlight todae is the math common test!!!!!! b4 da test start me n syamir quickly went to da toilet....den wen i came back....wow......da new teacher in skul......ms lai i tink....her face lyk ouh ling ling and her body quite nice ah....got figure.....nice ass by da way....k sori ppl....i am sick so cant tink straight so i am tokin shit........serious ah nice ass......hahahhahah....luckily can still concentrate on ma test....or not......haiyoo cannot do a single qn.....i tink i hav done badly for tat test.....serious tokin ah....i tink i may fail it.....fuck it!!!!!! shit sial!!!!!!! okay la tats all....damn now i hav a headache,running nose ,and am starting to cough....... haiz.......

i wish u wud miss me....the way tat i miss u!!!!!!! man........ tot of HER occasionally tis daes.... why is she not online at msn???? nk bbual jgk aku ni....man i am high!!!!!! cannot finsh tis emo section....k tats all folks....adious!!!!!!!

You know its true...you know i'd die for you!!!

2005-02-18T21:13:00.000-08:00

hey hey hey!!!!!! another day in da boring life of Saijoee,joeiromance.....wateva!!!!!! okay la todae is fridae.......hmmmm....how was skul??? hmmmm.....startin was english so it was damn borin,.....but wait....early in da morning a student kena caning alreadi...haiyoo.....coz he was fighting wit another student....apa la...den more stupid was tat wen he was caned,got two ppl but it heard lyk tere was more.....dey clap wen da guy kena caned....stupid sial!!!!! asking for trouble.......stupid.....yah wat was i sayin??? ohhh early mornin jumiah!!! boring!!! den chem practikal......i lyk praktikal!!!! den malay did test....lucky onli comprehension...den math boring!!! den combined humans ......more boring!!!!!!!!! yah den quickly went home n get readi to go to da mosque......fridae prayers la ppl!!!!! den afta tat walk ard TM for awhile den went to play pool.....Okay i admit.....i lost to rahu.....it was juz pure luck.....i hit da eight ball dah masuk den ma que ball went in also...stupid!!!!!! k den went home ah........tats all.......

i dun undastand gerls.....dey can change their minds in a split second......mepek!!! i hate it.....can u gerls juz say one ting n stick to tat!!!!!! dun change ur minds.......u say it was all a lie....u juz wanted to see my reaction.....u noe how much it hurts....u noe how much hurt i went thru bcoz u wanted to see my reaction.......now i guess u want tings to go like it used to....i am readi to do tat but i will never forget how much u made me go thru!!!!!!haiz.......how cud u???? now u cant giv me a straight ans.....haiz......apa la HER!!!!!! gerls,i dun undastand them!!!!!!!!haiyoo...got two emails yesterdae....both full of soriz.........tis is ridiculous!!!!! u said it n now u say ur afraid....juz wanna say everytings up to you!!!! gerls??? i juz dun undastand.........

u broke my heart into a thousand pieces n u say i deserve better??!!

2005-02-16T23:37:00.000-08:00

waddupp???wats wrong wit me todae.....hahah dunnoe why ah.......okay lets recap shall we!!

okay da ferst two period of skul was borin.......da principal came into class n spoke to us for da whole two periods....haiyoo....dunnoe la tok bout wat cant remember ah....n yah 2dae is daryl's b'dae......hapi bdae american idiot!!!!yah den afta tat POA.....most of da lesson was spent on laughin sey....she kept makin stupid funny jokes...n kiter melebih lebih kan...mcm mana tk ketawa.....den cme....boring!!!! den 3 periods of english with jumiah......but luckily juz do simple werk.....den her period also laugh a lot.....how can she sae EM1 as EMI.....so diff rite...mayb da paper not clear ah....wateva la....den cme again....boring!!!!!!!hahahha....den skul was over for tat dae........den skali last minute plan gi jamming......alamak ni 3 badotz.....hahahaha......jam at 4 finish at 6.......not bad......faris made a new rhythm alreadi....veri emo sey....want to make me cry ah da intro....u guyz shud listen to it......but wasted we had no idea wat to make da song into....haiyoo......den tatas all ah......

okay la guyz adious!!!!

love hurts!!!!! love sucks!!!!!!! but i want sum1!!!!! dunnoe why ah.......ma heart keep sayin i want sum1 special to spend my time wit...i noe its o levels dis yr but fuck u!!!!hahahha.....u broke my heart into a thousand pieces and u say its bcoz i deserve better????!!!!!! u are so wrong!!!!!!

u know i'd die for you!!!!!!

2005-02-15T20:47:00.001-08:00

WORDS FROM STARCROSSSED BY ASH!!!! WAT AN EMO SONG!!!!!!

I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you're weeping

I'll remain in your hold
Body, mind, heart and soul
As long as I breathe

When your faith turns to despair
Always will my love be there
And never fade away

It's true
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you

K tats enuf of tat......2dae i keep yawning n yawning.......da onli period tat was fun was during malay coz went to comp lab and juz copy down answers for our hmwrk tat we had done by da way!! den one highlight of da day was wen chung heng asked me wat is da meaning of kacang..... den i wanted to joke n i said it means chicken......n he believed me....he ohhh......kwang nam also for awhile believed me....den rahu n dinee heard it n dey were laughing lyk hell smpai tergolek2......hahahha.....i am mean sumtimes.....den afta skul had our common test....was okay ah...onli comprehension for english....lucky no summary qn or not i will be lazy to do it......den had PE........lucky mr ow noe tat its veri veri veri hot junnow.....we ran 3 rounds 4 warm up....den did sit ups....den sprinting........afta tat juz relax je......okay ah dis PE lesson......den went home.....reach home bout 5 den afta tat i was so damn tired i went to ma bed n sleep until 630......hahahhaha.....den tats all.....wakwakwakz.....

babe sal tk reply msg2....gi holiday kapa smpai tk reply....apa la.....n for HER.......wateva u say wun make me change wat i feel rite now........

fuck you!! fuck valentine!!!

2005-02-14T21:34:00.000-08:00

haiz.....VALENTINES DAE.....go n fuck urself!!!!

okay....2dae was quite a borin dae.....got back my history and malay test paper.....got 13/25 for history and 28/50 for malay....pathetic siall!!!!! so damn dissappointed......hahhahah......can laugh summore.....heartless bastard!!!! yah den afta skul got oral with jumiah......me kwang nam shafiq dinee n syamir all had our oral 2dae.....ferst was kwang nam den shafiq den dinee den syamir den me.....dinee nyer part me n syamir tease her a little so she wud laugh....hahah......den syamir i tried to make him laugh but he was too focus ah......den my turn.,.....she say ma reading aloud very well done juz made one mistake not sayin da werd 'are'....haiyoo....den ma pic discription ahncur sikit....she told me to be careful wit tat......be more observent....den da conversation part she say i was gd no need promting tat i can speak very well....very freely...too freely.....den she say i tok a lot in class....wat da fuck!!! den she say during ma oral i keep smiling a lot n tat is a gd ting....wen did i smile a lot.....lately ppl keep sayin bout me smiling all tat......haiyoo......but i tink i want to smile more ah....hahahha....den afta tat went home then tats it....wakwakwak.....yah n tis gerl at 7-11 smiled at me den i smile bck.....dunnoe since wen gerls start to notice me n smile at me???? mayb its valentines dae??? no its juz a coincidence......fuck valentines!!!!!hahahha

WAT DA FUCK LA....I TELL U STRAIGHT 4WARD LA N BCOZ ITS VALENTINES DAE.....I AM NOT OKAY.....I PROMISE I AM NOT....TRUST ME I AM NOT OKAY...........U HURT ME SOO DAMN BAD.......SERIOUSLY SPEAKIN AH.......FUCK VALENTINES.....FUCK DA WERLD......FUCK MYSELF!!!!!! FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!

i can see it in ur eyes..ur broken down ur hands r tied!!!

2005-02-13T15:00:00.000-08:00

whoa!!! its a sundae ppl.........SUN DAY......is da sun out tere or issit cloudy ah ppl???? n hey!!! 2molo valentines dae ah......jak bila ni kiter celebrate valentines dae....ah ppl ah.......eleh....... besides no one to celebrate it with coz to me valentines dae shud be celebrated by couples who alreadi stead!!!! tis is to me la but to all of u out tere maybe diff ah....n mayb its also a time to stead wit sum1....u noe da perfect time valentines dae u go meet tis gerl u long alreadi bekenalan den ask her to stead.....fuyoh......wen will tat happen for me ah??? i time da perfect moment all tat.....pasrah2......nevertheless i shud juz move on kan kan kan......will you be my valentine!!!!! who is tere but onli my imagination.......teres no valentine!!!!! no fuckin valentine!!!!

so yah yesterdae was saturdae went to da gig.......da two best i wanted to see are da onli too bands i enjoyed........ferst band was State Of Grace.......da band playing songs from avenged sevenfold....they were great.....lyk da dressing of one of da singers.....den had to wait a long time b4 ma bro's band got up on stage.....btw ppl....i got in free....got backstage pass summore....as if tere was a backstage.....no moshin at all sey da gig.....den ma bro took da stage....dey were great......but i cant figure out da genre.....its a miv of emocore n a bit of punk rawk n a bit of hardcore n ma other bro say a bit od death metal.....dunnoe ah......but got tis one song da chorus emo abiz sial.....tat song i can say is emocore.....den da two guitarist one of them is ma bro,tk leh duduk diam sey....ma bro n da other guitarist keep jumping ard...... dlm byk2 band drg ah paling energetic.......den da other guitarist was playing then his strumming hand was bleeding n blood smoothered on his guitar.....style....mark of quality n dedication...he didnt stop sey......den ada org nk try mosh during G'ON AMBER...my bro's band la.....alamak power ah...den afta dey finish seme duduk all da way sey....n 4got....wen ma bro's band wa playing got a lot off ppl went up on stage n sang along.... apa ntah i also dunnoe.....den at 8 me n ma other bro went off ah coz got to go to masis house......went to afghanistan to buy murtabak coz ma sis pesan suruh beli......den reach ma sis hse mkn2 watch soccer n played wit my two cats......dey r getting so damn cute sial....snow gettin bigger lyk juz ate steroid n tiger getting damn cute sey da face.....muka step innocent tapi acerli tiger is very naughty......according to ma sis........haiz......want to bring them home sey but ma dad tk kasi ah.....haiyoo.....tk pe....okay la tats it....got to do ma homewerk....got one week to do but onli start now da last dae...pemalas sak saijoee........k bye ppl.....

UR FRENS SAY U LOOK SAD......WHY??? ITS OVER U SHUD BE HAPI.........PLZ DUN GET SAD COZ OF TIS K......I TOLD U OVER N OVER ANITIN IT ONLI HURTS ME NO ONE ELSE....HAIZ......N ADA LAGI SATU ORG NI MSG TK REPLY2....ALAMAK......TK BLE U NOE TK BLE.......

now i start a new....without you!!!!!!!!

2005-02-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

yeah!!!!! haloz ppl!!!!!yea dunnoe why in a hapi mood....k la let me update bout fridae okay......

fridae....wats da date ah??? dunnoe ah....got to hurry up!!! k had our cross country at bdk reservoir park!!!! i walk all da way wit ma peeps....not all of my crew but onli some ajer........hahahhahaha..........yah den blablabla........tgh prize giving si filza said wrongly orang jaguar den me n zul laughed n she saw us laughin she also laugh.....yah den afta cross coutry went home ah!!!! get readi to go for fridae prayers....took a bath den went off to da mosque ah!!!! den dah lepas bersolat jumaat i went to bowl!!! so long nvr go bowling.....den da ppl tere were zain,zul,khalis,syamir,his two cousins,faris and sha!!!! wow byk jgk org eh.....den afta bowling went home ferst.....reach home at 6.......den at nite go to meet ma crew nk gi relek kat CB....wakwakwakz....den meet dinee earlier n went to teman her go TM to buy sumtin.......see i'm a gd fren!!!!! wakwakwakz...........den meet da guys den went off.....kat sana btol nyer tk btol kiter.......den afta dah chill abiz2 went home again!!!! kul 1130 sampai umah ah....tk kena hamon ah!!!! power......but must undastand undastood la tk leh uat mcm gini hari2.........okay tats all.....2MOLO GOIN SUB-C 4 A GIG.....MA BRO'S PERFORMING WIT HIS NEW BAND....G'ON AMBER!!! N GOT ANOTHER BAND PLAYING AVENGED SEVENFOLD SONGS!!!! YEAH!!!!!! UNTIL HERE LA PPL....KEEP IN TOUCH GUYZ...ANITIN U NOE MY NUMBER!!!!

EVENTHOUGH IT HURTS SO MUCH......I'M MOVING ON!!!! AND NOT LOOKING BACK...... THX 4 MAKIN ME SMILE AT SOME TIMES....NOW UR GONE FROM MA LIFE.....FROM MA HEART....FAR FAR AWAY........N SURPRISINGLY IT DOESNT HURT TAT MUCH NOW COZ I LEARNED TO FACE DA FACTS TAT U WANNA BE WIT SUM1 ELSE.....TATS UR CHOICE N I RESPECT IT....TAKE CARE ALWAES GERL!!!!!!! I PROMISE I'M OKAY TRUST ME!!!!!!

IT FUCKIN HURTS!!!!!!!! IT FUCKIN HURTS!!!!!!!!

2005-02-08T20:43:00.000-08:00

What i did todae.........

Went to skul for CNY concert......
after that went to play soccer at the street soccer court......

THATS ALL!!!!!! THATS ALL I DID TODAE.........

After all of this.........after a long time.......it all ends........it ends by not a phone call...........i lost you without getting to hear your voice 4 da last time......waited waited waited........i cud hav waited no matter how long u want me to.......but it had to end tis way........fuck............motherfuckin shit........hate this..........why didnt u tell me bout it????? was it too much to let me noe earlier.........but i made a pfuckin promise to you!!!!!!! i will not blame you for anitin even how much u hurt me.....i wont put a single blame on u........u were all that i needed.........maybe i was blind.........blinded by da sight of you!!!!! hate this part of my life........now ur gone away........ tings will be better if u stay!!!!!!! its hard to say gdbye........THIS IS MY LAST SERENADE!!!.......I FEEL YOU FROM FAR AWAY!!!........didnt even crossed my mind that tings would end tis way..........i've waited for you....u noe tat i waited a long time but u made me tis way.............it fuckin hUrts.........IT FUCKIN HURTS!!!!!! tot u were different......i was soo damn wrong!!! soo soo soo wrong.........how can tis happen...............so tis is da end.....no more of you.....i will be goin thru withdrawal of u!!!!!!!! I RAISE DA VOLUME OF EVERY EMO SONG TODAE........SHOUTED FUCKIN STUPID LINES!!!! WROTE STUPID MEANINGLESS SHIT!!!!!!!!! WHY CANT U JUZ BE HAPPY WITH ME!!!!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!!!!!!

I WILL BE GOING THRU WITHDRAWAL OF YOU!!!!

TIS IS WHAT I WROTE TODAE....LYRICS I MEAN.........

you made me cry
you made me weak
you made me all that i want to be
but u cant
make me
the luckiest guy

Why did i say
i love you
when u dont say it back
did i waste
my time
not thinking about the facts

i would not speak to you
if thats what will make you happy
i would leave your heart
if thats what will make you happy

[not goin to update coz i want to stick this post for awhile!!! my nex post will be on fridae hopfully!!! ppl read tis post!!! emo me!!! ma smile n laughs r fakes]

VIVA LA PUNK RAWK!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-07T17:55:00.000-08:00

YEAH!!!! VIVA LA PUNK RAWK....k guyz....let me update from saurdae to mondae k....so bare with me ppl........

k saturdae.......basically notin much happen early in da dae.....den at 5 went to play soccer at da usual place wit my frenz........den afta playin until almost 8 at nite.......went to da usual place to hang out.....SAFFRON!!!!!!we chill tok2 tere.....basically juz rest afta playin soccer.......den afta tat went home.......reach home bout 9+......

missed superman coz of soccer but acerli i wanted to play soccer more than seeing da oldskul superman movie.......okay la tats saturdae......

den yesterdae!!! sundae!!!! yea!!!!me faris saiful zulaiha n areeeff went to punk rawk returns!!! best show ever man!!!! hapi tat i went......acerli plan to meet at 230pm but den areeeff arrived late at 330pm......one hour late dolz!!!!!!!den went tere straight......went in je it started alreadi......da usual mix of a punk.... skin.... relek... punk rawk.... punk rawk gerls crowd....den sit back relax njoy da songs....den met fariq tere....long time no see....den anwar was also tere....met ma cousin tere!!!! met a lot of ppl........den DA band NO BETTER THAN YOU took to da stage....they are very good.....dey sang a cover of Taking Back Sunday's A Decade Under The Influence...........gd cover.......den another band started playing den me areeeff n faris moshed!!! pul didnt he tukang jaga barang!!!! den went in jer dah kene tumbuk 2 times at da face.....lucky didnt hurt tat much.....den was moshin da band started playing My Chemical Romance's I'm Not Okay!!!!!! it was super!!!!!! everybody sang along n moshed very hard also!!!! den another band played a song called 1234 1234.......very nice sey da song!!!!!was in ma head all da way....den me n arreeeff n faris dah pnat mosh.....skali got tis band main Yellowcard's way away!!! me n areeeff mosh again....i was punched again.......haiyoo......den afta tat da serious nye pnat kiter pon duduk je ah........da crowd was damn cooperative n was lyk relek....tak gado...org jatuh drg cpat2 angkat....power ah da crowd...kudos!!!! den at 830 got tis japanese band....their rhythm was lyk punk rawk but da guy sang in japanese.....j pop sial!!! brader wrong gig!!!!!! den we went home ah dah mepek mcm gitu....den went to long john silvers to eat a bit.......afta tat den went home.....reach home at about 10+......haven do ma hmwrk.....dun care.....too tired.....den ma bro angry........i juz heck care......dah tk kuasa ah nk layan dier.......

okay now todae!!!mondae!!!!was so sleepy at skul....in class haiyoo can die....early in da morning i keep singing a loud 1234 1234.........ma frenz was lyk apahal ngan si bdk ni pagi2??? den rahu amli n dinee hook wit ma nonsense.......esp dinee....alik pon keep sayin to me 1234 1234........but it was a very nice song......ohhhh oh oh ohhhh oh oh ohhhh 1234 1234!!!!!okay la later goin jammin......ma bro is angry coz i am goin jammin at a skul dae but 2moro no study la dey....juz CNY concert......but ma mom kasi gi jammin so hahahha to ma bro!!!!!okay la ppl.......tats it!!!

u made me wait for ur call in da end u didnt call back.....wat da fuck!!!!! wat u tryin to show??? wat u tryin to do???? fuck!!!!!! want to mosh again!!! moshin keeps ma mind off you!!!!!!

oh ohhh ohhh oh oh ohhh ohh oh 1234 1234!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!